At the dawn of every New Year, millions of single women and men resolve to do better in love. They resolve to get the guy or girl, go on more dates, create a fulfilling relationship, and ride off into the sunset, etc. It’s a generic resolution that all of us have heard before, and it’s totally admirable.
But, of course, it’s not that simple. Resolving to do something that is totally within your control is one thing; resolving to do something that involves a another person is something completely different. Remember that it takes two to tango.
So, before you start blowing up every hottie in your contact list with party invites, consider these totally do-able New Year’s resolutions in love to better yourself AND your love life.
Here is a step by step guide to changing your state in love in the New Year:
Turn negative energy into something constructive
As Wayne Dyer said, “Change your thoughts, change your life.” Sometimes, I have moments in my own life when I feel like I have taken too many hits in this “epic battlefield” of love. Then, I start writing articles, and my energy changes. Writing is my passion. It allows me to see the world around me differently and feel better about myself, creating a release of negative energy. To me, this is a helpful exercise for me to improve my own life and share what I’m thinking with others. This is one way for me to take the high road.
What’s your passion? Whatever it is, harness it full force whenever you become irritated. Someone broke up with you? Someone didn’t call you back? Go to your passions! Re-channel your energy into what you love to do. Your outlets will give you the freedom and solace you desire, and it will make you more appealing.
Use the past like a rear view mirror…
The past is over for all of us. Sometimes, we drive in life looking at the rear view mirror when we should be looking at the windshield. If the guys of your past are distractions deterring you from being swept off your feet from someone better, then detach. Every second dwelling on a past love is one less second for finding a new one.
Prioritize loving yourself first…
Open your heart to love from yourself. Aristotle wrote, “Happiness depends on ourselves.” Healthy people are drawn to those whom are happy and fulfilled. Lots of single women on a five-year-plan become preoccupied with their relationship status- thinking, “I want to get married by age 25, or else I’ll give up and become a nun.” That’s a lot of pressure. You can’t plan a relationship. All you can do is prepare your heart to be ready for one. So, work on yourself, and love yourself!
Go out, get out of your comfort zone, and you will be asked out!
I’ve learned this past year to go outside of my comfort zone in dating. Sometimes it “works out,” and sometimes it “doesn’t.” Yet, you also need to know when to hold back. Putting yourself out there ranges from exchanging contact info with a guy you just met (BOLD), to telling a random stranger, “hey I think you’re really hot.” (TOO BOLD– don’t do that.) And of course the range continues to having meaningful conversations with guys you are interested in, and creating a situation where he is comfortable following-up. (NORMAL- do this) How does this happen? You need to be open to new experiences and new people. There is never a guarantee that you’ll meet a new person a day, but you will often find that being open to others creates more positive opportunities.
So, put yourself in extraordinary situations, and some ordinary ones, too.
Sometimes you need to be in an extraordinary situation to meet an extraordinary person because those whom are outstanding do incredible things. Think of the cliché that you will never meet your future husband at a club because all of the guys hitting on you there want the wrong things from you. You’re more likely to meet someone special in a less shallow setting. You know better people are out there making a difference in the world. And those people are generally looking for partners they would be compatible with, too. You want a spiritual guy? Be spiritual. You want to date a fitness junkie? Go work out. You want to date smart guy? Go read a book. But be ready. Chances are you’ll meet the love of your life in aisle 7 at Giant looking for cereal. Most women meet the love of their life when they least expect it.
Then, consider your options…
Most people have more options in their dating pool than they think. “Having options” is almost more a dating philosophy in itself, rather than thinking “Okay, I don’t really know anyone I’m interested in, and guys aren’t asking me out.” The philosophy is simple. You are likable, therefore, you have options. People you know and people you’ll meet will be happy to see you and possibly interested in dating you. And, options come and go. You may not be interested in all of your options, and that’s why it’s kind of a funny part of life. Yet, options always exist. You just have to open your eyes.
So, work on yourself. Be open and ready. And love will find you!