1. Seeing that one relative who gets plastered and turns into the life of the party
I know you all just pictured yours.
2. Anticipating the impending fight between your two aunts…
It happens every damn time: sports teams, health care, politics, or just annoying the crap out of each other simply by existing and sharing air- a storms a brewin’.
3. The constant berating on your nonexistent love life…
“You have a boyfriend yet? No? Oh.. Well that’s okay! There’s always next year, you’re still young and fertile! There’s time!” …. Thanks?
4. Watching your drunk uncle put a partially frozen turkey into a deep fryer and seeing it explode up and hit the ceiling
Bonus points for not burning the house down. No, of course this isn’t from life experience…
5. Long, cramped car rides with your siblings…
“Your knee is in my space!” “Turn your music down” “You’re so annoying” … Anyone else read that in their sibling’s voice, or was that just me..?
6. Wearing yoga pants so there’s room to… grow…
Way easier than unbuttoning jeans. How else do you plan on winning the biggest food baby award, amiright?
7. Turkey and high carb induced food coma…
Naps on naps on naps, the kind where you wake up dizzy and wondering who you are, what year it is and where the leftovers are.
8. The mystery green Jello mold…
No idea what the hell it is, but you best believe I’m eatin’ all of it.
9. Leftovers…
Turkey sandwiches, turkey casserole, turkey salad, turkey soup, turkey pot pie, etc…
10. Waking up to the smell of the turkey baking and the sound of the parade on the telly…
20 years old and damn straight I’ll sit there ’til the very end to see my homie SANTA. I know him!
11. Family games that turn into WWIII…
…from marbles to murder.
12. Black Friday shopping…
The miraculous day when your 63-year-old aunt with arthritic knees suddenly becomes an Olympic athlete with a limitless black card…
13. Bonding while baking…
Feelin’ warm and fuzzy while mixin’ batter with your momma, either from the heartfelt emotions, the hot oven, or the multiple glasses of Kahlua eggnog moonshine…
14. Sleeping arrangements…
Crashing on the couch with your brothers toes in your mouth…
15. Pumpkin pie…
Bet y’all were waitin for that one, huh? Well there it is, the most obvious and cherished of all Thanksgiving treasures.
HOLIDAY BONUS: graduating from the kids table to the adult table, but then realizing that you preferred the previous conversations…
Happy Turkey Day!!!!