A large part of living in a college town like CP is the social scene. Whether you’re pregaming for the bars or attending a frat party, alcohol is going to be involved. And it’s not going to be the nice kind you used to swipe from your parents liquor cabinet. College is where crappy alcohol flows like water, so your pick of poison can say a lot about the type of person you are.
Natty Lite– Ahh Natty, the water of frat gods. The lowliest of beers. Its ever-consistent presence is as reliable as the stomachache you’ll have the next day. If your go-to drink is Natty then you’re definitely a frat rat. You’re the type of girl who has a main, and side frat that you attend every weekend. Maybe you’re dating a brother, or your just one of the guys. But you feel most as home in a musty, poorly lit basement, sloshing around in frat slime. You are definitely chill, and you don’t give a shit about the calories you intake can after can.
Zelko– If, out of all your options, you’re choosing Zelko, aka straight rubbing alcohol. I give you major props, because if you are taking shots of Zelko straight then you have the tolerance of steel. You also don’t give a crap HOW you get drunk; you just NEED to get there as soon as possible. No mixer or chaser, will mask that burn in your throat and fire in your stomach. Zelko drinkers are the drunkest people in the room, and they keep going until they have to be dragged mid-blackout from the party.
Burnetts– Did you by any chance peak in high school? Burnetts is the vodka of young high schoolers and it should stay that way. If your still choosing to buy Burnetts for pre-games (most likely with your Pennsylvania or Connecticut fake) then you’re also probably a freshman. I know it’s hard, Burnetts used to be your trusty go to, but move on. If your buying alcohol you need to be a little less conspicuous. Burnetts says your young, your cheap, and your trying to get stomach pumped by the end of the night. Just like the good old days right?
Wave- Wave is Burnetts cheap, slutty cousin, which is easily bought in large frat sized quantities. The cough syrup flavors are easier to keep down than Zelko so it’s easily the most popular of CP’s crappy alcohol. If you’re throwing back Wave, you probably showed up with 3-5 of your best friends. All of your girlfriends are yelling for shots, and you guys throw them back together in an obnoxious group toast. You just want to DANCE, and Wave will give you the confidence to do that. Ohh, and make-out with some guy you just met in the middle of the dance floor? Yeah, Wave will make you do that too.
Mystery-sports sized cooler drink– What’s inside? You have no idea. You can’t hear the bar-pledge over the EDM blasting in the room. He hands you a solo cup of mystery cooler liquid and you drink it anyways. Let me guess, your motto is probably “I’ll try anything once.” You walk on the wild side. You like not knowing what might happen, and you may pay for that in the morning. But at least for now you can take pictures with your solo cup, and put it all over social media. Cause I mean, no ones going to know there is alcohol in there, its just a solo cup is could be anything right? Yeah I’m sure that’s exactly what your future employer will assume.
Slapping the bag– Anyone who slaps a bag of wine in the middle of a party is an attention seeker, there’s no other way to put it. The bag is being held high up and everyone is crowding around to get a chance at it. You must be confident about your chugging skills, because if you don’t keep at it more then 6 seconds you’re going to look like a wimp. Besides you definitely wont get drunk that way. Slapping the bag is a longtime favorite of the sorority girl. If you are in fact that breed of female, you no doubt have your friend taking pictures of your slap the bag moment for Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat to see. Am I perhaps making a generalization? Maybe, but stereotypes were created from a sliver of truth. Also, if boxed wine is your crappy drink of choice, are you not the least concerned about all of the germs from people putting their mouths on that nozzle?