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UMD’s Craziest Hook-Up Stories of 2016

*Reader discretion advised

We’ve all had those bizarre hook up encounters or heard of them from our friends.  Here are a few horror stories that my friends and I have endured over the years. 

1. “I was standing in line at Chick-Fil-A at Stamp, minding my own business, and the star basketball player comes up to me and asks for my number.  We hooked up 12 hours later and every night the rest of that week.”

2. “I was at my favorite frat’s party and ended up going back to my crush’s [place].  We are about to get down to business and next thing I know the kid is passed out.  So I check my phone and see I have a missed call from my other crush.  I frantically search for my clothes without waking up the guy passed out in bed, but couldn’t find my bra, so I ditch because I made the conscious decision that hooking up with my love was more important than my $50 bra.”

 

3. “The whole time we had sex he would not stop whispering dirty things about Calculus 2 in my ear.  I guess he had a big test that week?”

4. “His roommate walks in on us and ask, ‘Threesome?’ I look back at my guy and we both say, ‘Why not?’”

 

“5. Went on this kid’s away weekend and his frat brothers kept asking how well he knew my roommate. To say the least, he didn’t get anything from me that weekend.”

6. “Note to self: don’t hook up with more than three people in the same frat. You most likely won’t like the nickname they give you”

7. “Guy I hooked up with dropped me off in the morning and instead of a kiss goodbye, he fist bumps me.”

8. “His brothers called him ‘Chompers.’ Later that night I understood why”

9. “I had a huge crush on my roommate’s best friend and she claimed she wasn’t gay, but I was sure she was.  After hanging out with her a few times, I was 100 percent sure.  That next week we hooked up and have been dating for over a year now.”

10. “So we all know those classic movie scenes, where the undergrad student starts hooking up with her TA.  Well, that was me freshmen year with my Business Statistics class.  I ran into him at the bars and next thing you know I’m in his bed.  I got at A in that class”

11. “Started hooking up with a guy at a frat party and we went upstairs for a quickie and then went back downstairs to the party.  An hour later, I went home with one of his brothers.”

12. “Was taking a shower with my date after formal, and I guess I was extremely drunk because I fell out of the shower and just fell asleep on the floor of the bathroom.  Woke up naked in bed with a sticky note on my head from my date saying, ‘Might want to ice your head when you wake up.’  What a gentleman.”

 

12. “When I was at away weekend, I hooked up with three guys and none of them were my date.”

13. “Walked in on my roommate trying to take a nude for her boyfriend, and then she asked me to take the picture for her.”

 

And finally, a guy confession!

“I hooked up with this girl and couldn’t get it up, so the next time I saw her at my frat party and I asked her back [to my place], she said, ‘Depends if someone can actually get hard this time.’ Never living that one down.”

 
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