*Content Warning: This article contains mention of sexual assault.*
Photo Courtesy of The New York Times
Just under a month ago today, Chanel Miller released her memoir Know My Name, a powerful and intimate account of her experiences with trauma, justice denied, and above all, hope. We reached out to the University of Maryland’s CARE to Stop Violence about the importance of survivor stories like these in shaping the public perception of SA and helping other victims in their healing process.
Photo Courtesy of Apple Books
HC: In her memoir Know My Name, Chanel Miller publicly names herself as the victim in the Stanford Rape Case for the first time. In your opinion, how did this particular case change the dialogue about sexual violence on college campuses?
CARE: I think Chanel Miller’s letter inspired greater belief in the power of survivor voices!
HC: The memoir begins with Miller’s account of the events leading up to the assault- the drinking, public urination, and subsequent unconsciousness that would later be used to attack her credibility in court. In your experience, how does the concept of “the perfect victim” play into the stigma surrounding sexual assault?
CARE: A person’s understanding of sexual assault and the beliefs they hold about victimization/survivorship before they are impacted by sexual assault have a lot to do with how they react after the assault. The same goes for people who know them, such as their friends and family. If a survivor feels judged by those around them or perceives their reaction as negative, they become less likely to seek help with healing or to report their assault.
HC: Throughout the book, Miller refers to her court pseudonym Emily Doe as a person separate from herself. Emily struggles with loneliness, fragility, and uncertainty while Miller’s life continues as usual. Why might some victims avoid addressing their trauma even when it interferes with their ability to function normally?
CARE: Trauma impacts everyone differently, and there is no right or wrong way for a survivor of violence to respond to trauma. Some people may feel comfortable seeking help immediately after an incident while others may wish to wait. Some people may never want to seek help. Additionally, survivors often face many barriers to seeking help. A survivor might grapple with fear (“will they believe me?”), stigma (“will they judge me?”), self-blame (“was it my fault?”), and embarrassment (“I don’t want anyone to know”). They also might not know what resources are available to them.
Because each person’s reactions/responses to trauma are different, they may not always fit stereotypes about how victims will respond or behave. However, it may be helpful for people to know the more common responses to trauma. A person may exhibit signs of anxiety or depression, increase their use/abuse of substances, or become hypersexual or hyposexual. They may also become isolated or withdrawn from friends and family. You can read more about common reactions to trauma and ways to support people who have experienced trauma on our website and on our Issuu page.
HC: At one point in the story, Miller is confronted with the daunting task of revealing her assault to the people in her life. What advice would you give to someone whose loved one came to them for support in this process? To the victim themselves?
CARE: The way that you respond to someone in crisis, or the way that that person perceives your response, has a significant impact on how that survivor seeks helps and heals. If a person in crisis perceives your response to be negative, hurtful, or minimizing, they are much less likely to seek help from other sources. Conversely, a positive response to a disclosure can be significantly helpful in getting someone involved in the healing and recovery process. It is important for you to be non-judgmental and allow your loved one to make decisions about how they want to proceed on their journey to healing. Let them know you care!
While it may be difficult to listen to a person disclosing their victimization to you, there are a few strategies that can help you respond to the disclosure in a more sensitive way. If the person wants to talk about their situation, try to speak to them in a quiet place away from others. Listen to what they have to say without judgment and try to avoid body language and words that may come off as judgemental. This means do not press for details-allow them to decide how much they would like to share with you. Refrain from asking the person why they behaved in a certain way. Even if you have no ill intentions, questioning their behavior may come across as blaming or judgemental.
You can thank the person for trusting you enough to disclose their situation, but gently encourage them to seek help from a trained professional who may be better equipped to handle the situation. Give them information about CARE services (or another confidential resource), but do not pressure or force them to seek help if they choose not to. Also, keep their information private!
To the victim/survivor: Know that what happened to you is not your fault. You deserve to be in control of what happens next. You can decide when or if you want to talk about it. You can share as much or as little about what happened to you as you want. There are many great resources you can use if you are interested, but it is ultimately your decision! You know what is best for you.
HC: The memoir also explores the impact of the assault on Miller’s interpersonal relationships. What emotions might a victim’s loved ones experience, and how might their dynamic with the victim change?
CARE: At CARE to Stop Violence, we offer our services and support to both survivors and people who know survivors. We know that the journey to healing for a survivor will probably impact those who care about them. It is very common for friends, family, or other loved ones to feel overwhelmed, angry, powerless, frustrated and sometimes guilty. People may worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, or fear that they will make the situation worse. However, ignoring the situation can end up isolating the survivor and it ultimately does not help them feel any better.
Ideally, people should put extra, continuous effort into letting the survivor know that they care. They should emphasize that the survivor can make their own decisions about how to proceed. They should also assure the survivor that what happened to them was not their fault.
HC: Miller’s greatest frustration with Stanford University’s response to her assault was “their failure to ask the single most important question: How do we ensure this does not happen again?” In your opinion, what more can be done at UMD to combat campus sexual violence?
CARE: UMD continuously works to further develop and improve its sexual assault and prevention response. In addition to the various programs and initiatives through different departments and organized groups on campus, the Sexual Assault Prevention Committee is a centralized group made up of students, staff, and faculty members who are all involved, in various ways, in sexual violence prevention and response. This Committee will be instrumental in coordinating and publicizing all of these efforts so that everyone in our campus community can learn more about the steps being taken to prevent and respond to sexual and relationship violence.
An important way for students to get involved in sexual violence prevention is by practicing bystander intervention. Every day, we are all confronted with the possibility of encountering uncomfortable, harmful, or dangerous situations. Though we may not realize it, we often have the opportunity to safely intervene to prevent those situations from occurring or escalating.
During college, in person or online, you may experience or witness situations like sexual assault, relationship violence, stalking, sexual harassment, or other forms of power-based violence. You may also encounter instances of discrimination, substance abuse, self-harm, hazing, mental health concerns, and suicidal behaviors. Knowing what to do in those situations — how to intervene is one of the most important things you can do to help prevent and ultimately stop sexual and relationship violence in your community.
Photo Courtesy of @careumd on Instagram
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, please consider utilizing the following resources:
CARE Crisis Cell: (301) 741-3442 (Available 24/7)
MCASA’s Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Centers and County Resources:
https://mcasa.org/survivors/find-a-rape-crisis-center
RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (Available 24/7)
Victim Connect: 855-484-2846 (Available 24/7)