There are few things more complicated than a girl’s relationship with her mom – it outdoes olfactory biology, the concept of black holes, and the Avril Lavigne classic. It’s constantly changing and with each stage, we become a better person and just a little bit closer to the final product.
Stage 1: Ages 0-3
Our mommy is the absolute end-all, be-all of the world. She gives us food, water, a soft body to sleep against – which makes her cooler than the other side of the pillow. We like to spend every minute of the day either with our mom, or wondering why we’re not with our mom, creating an ever-growing percentage of babysitters who are traumatized for years to come.
Stage 2: Ages 3-12
Guess what? She’s still awesome. Whenever someone asks us who we look up to most, it’s as if it’s not even a question. “My mom,” is what we say proudly every single time, not caring that we happen to have the same response as every other girl in our class. She’s always cheering us on, driving us places, making us awesome after-school snacks – and we don’t even have to make any decisions on whether we really want to do soccer, ballet, or horseback-riding, because our mom signs us up for everything offered in our town either way.
Stage 3: Ages 12-around 16
By far the most painful to recall. No one has ever quite explained the logic behind hating our moms, who could totally be a huge help, during the years that we’re going through the hardest stuff (ignoring Freud’s Oedipus complex theory so we don’t have to spend the next ten minutes cringing). We text/IM our friends everyday about how awful our mom is. We hide things from her that wouldn’t even make her mad, just for the sake of not letting her think we are close in any way. And every time she tells us to start our homework, even when we were just about to, we must wait an extra half an hour so she doesn’t imagine we are possibly obeying her. Spite becomes our middle name and we become horrible monsters every time our mom asks us about our day. And yet she continues to ask, and continues to drive you places, make you food, do your laundry, and cheer at every event you participate in. As I’m not a mother yet, I must assume there is something powerful in that chemical connection between mother and child that gifts a woman with very thick skin when her daughter reaches this age.
Stage 4: Ages 16-18
In short, something eventually clicks and we become enormously ashamed at the last four or so years of our life. We suddenly want to confide in our moms again, and even go so far as to ask her about her day. I believe that when I reached this phase, I started telling my mom so much that she actually wished I would lie about some of the things I was up to. And when we’re seniors in high school, we wonder why we started loving our mom’s company right before we are forced to leave her side and depart for college.
Stage 5: Ages 18-22
Once you leave home, your mom becomes infinitely more valuable. You appreciate little things about her so much more, and everyone else feels the same way, so liking your mom is suddenly cool again. Somehow the things that used to annoy each of you about the other don’t bother you when you know that every time you’re home, it’s just for a limited time. After all, she’s the only reason you’d ever want to leave College Park to make the trek back to your horrifically boring hometown where everything closes at 10 pm. And honestly, the only thing that you could pretend to be annoyed about now is the constant phone calls and/or texts from her filled with all the good news, bad news, and drama. You can be sure that if your mother saw your sister’s first grade best friend’s mother at the grocery store, who told her that your sister’s first grade best friend’s cousin was left at the altar, you’ll be the first to know. But would you want it any other way?
Stage 6: Ages 22+
We are officially our mother. And, once the initial horror wears off, we are very proud of that.