You’ve been living with your roommate for about two months now and the girl you thought was going to be your best friend forever is anything but. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It could happen to anyone. The roommate whose interests and living habits looked good on paper turned out to be the opposite of what you expected. You probably have to spend the rest of the school year, or at the least semester with this living situation, so here’s how to make sure you keep your sanity even if your roommate drives you crazy.
1. Don’t have high expectations.
Perhaps your expectations were a little too high when you moved in. Time to readjust. Perhaps you are more considerate of others than your roommate. Unfortunately, you can’t control what she does. This is a shared living space after all so the room is equally yours as hers. Resident assistant June Ann Jones says that depending on quiet or alone time can lead to negative feelings when the other roommate is “just trying to do her thing too.” Try to talk things out and compromise on pressing issues. “Don’t rely on the other to cooperate,” urged University Health Center CARE manager and therapist Nicole Silverberg, “Focus on the individual.”
2. Find an outlet.
If your room is the center of the toxic environment Silverberg recommends getting involved in other things so you’re not always in your room. Get involved in a club, find a favorite study space, hit the gym, and hang out in a friend’s dorm. These are all healthy, positive behaviors that promote self-improvement. You might even find friends in these clubs who have similar interests.
3. Understand The Power of the Roommate Agreement.
The roommate agreement in college should be treated like the law, even though most times it’s neglected. At the beginning of the school year, you created the living agreement with expectations for comfortable living. If the situation is uncomfortable, your sleep or study patterns are interrupted or your roommate crosses boundaries, discuss the contents of the living agreement and reinforce that they need to be followed. If this doesn’t work, contact your RA. She’s trained to deal with these problems and serve as a mediator. “Let the RA be the bad guy,” Jones stressed.
4. Work out a Schedule.
“It’s totally natural for conflict to occur,” Silverberg said. “You’re sharing one living space. It can be very difficult not having privacy.” If you don’t feel like you’re getting enough “me time” try to create time periods where each roommate can have a period of time to herself or to have friends over. This designated amount of time will be great if your roommate is a homebody or if she’s known to sexile you at strange times of the day. If this idea seems too unconventional, try to give as much notice as possible when having friends or boyfriends come over so the other can find something to do. No one should ever have to sleep on the floor lounge couch. This is easiest to do when you are able to communicate. This idea leads us to…
5. Don’t Be Passive Aggressive.
Ignoring your roommate or leaving notes around the room so you don’t have to communicate will not make your situation better. Jones suggests calmly discussing your issues with your roommate, especially in a set time with the RA to not catch your roommate off-guard. She might not even realize she’s doing anything wrong until you tell her. Try not to use accusatory language like “you suck because you keep the room a mess,” but “I feel that my living space is being invaded and I would like it if you could try to keep your belongings on your side of the room.”
If nothing works out and you and your roommate cannot reach a mutually beneficial living situation, know that you do have the option to move out.