If the 2016 Presidential Candidates Were UMD Students

With the election coming up this November, the presidential candidates create a constant flow of material for various comedic outlets like The Daily Show and The Onion. So why not bring it here?

We can all appreciate some comic relief during this dramatic time.

Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Bernie Sanders: Classic good-guy Bernie. Would probably buy his friends a round of shots at Bents after Melo pulled through and brought the Terps to victory. He would also be a member of social change clubs such as “Public Health Across Borders.”

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Hilary Clinton: Would probably date an unfaithful frat bro who would claim to not have had sexual relations with another woman. Hilz would also be on the  executive board of her sorority, but would soon get in trouble for using her personal email for organizing socials.

Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Jeb Bush: Jeb Bush was the guy who got into Maryland because he was a legacy. Jeb is a generally good guy who unfortunately clapped off beat to the Maryland Fight Song one too many times, and ended up transferring to Rutgers where he doesn’t have to live in the shadow of his overachieving family members.

Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Donald Trump: Donald trump is the guy who asks you “who you know here?” at parties. He would hook up with his best friends sister and then defend it by saying, “Beauty and elegance, whether in a woman, a building, or a work of art is not just superficial or something pretty to see.”

Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Marco Rubio: Would spend all of his money on $20 fish bowls during happy hour and end up bankrupt. However, his looks make him popular with the ladies.  He’s seen taking women out to Adele’s where he can spend his dining points, considering he has no other method of payment.

Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Ted Cruz: The guy that sits next to you in class who shamelessly pulls out a tuna fish sandwich and eats it throughout the 50 minute period. Ted’s also the guy that raises his hand to present to the class some obscure fact he heard on Final Jeopardy that kind of relates to the topic being taught.

So there you have it. Who knows, maybe the next Hilary Clinton is sitting in your astronomy class dozing off. Or maybe the next Marco Rubio was doing a keg stand at that party on Saturday night. Although it’s always a good time poking fun at politicians, the young vote does matter!

It’s very important that every college student goes to the polls this November to cast their vote. Stay informed, watch the news, read articles, etc. College is a time to explore and form your own opinions on topics and social issues so take advantage! Maybe well see you in the Oval Office one day.