The familiar dirty words are overused. We all know them; we’ve all heard them a thousand times over. Many expletives have lost their punch, no matter how many you string together. The next time you need to express how you feel about finals coming up, or that boy who dumped your bestie, try one of these instead. They aren’t actually bad words, but that’s never stopped anyone before. Some actually work as insults, while others are just fun to say.
Disclaimer: Her Campus is not responsible for any schisms caused in friendships or relationships, or angered parents, following the reading of this list. Use these words at your own discretion.
1. Angina
Angina is chest pain caused by reduced blood flow to the heart. It’s usually associated with heart attacks, but can be used in conversation if directed at a particularly annoying friend or acquaintance. There’s no promise, however, that it will get them to leave you alone.
“Wow Katie, you’re being a real angina!”
2. Assart
To assart means to clear forestland for agriculture. If something is assarted, it is cleared away. Use it as a threat on someone you want to go away, but only if you can keep a straight face when saying it.
“You want assarted, punk?”
3. Bastinado
Although it may sound like a Spanish twist on a classic profanity, bastinado actually means beating the soles of someone’s feet with a stick as punishment. The word itself doesn’t nearly sound like the threat of the punishment to which it refers.
“You son of a bastinado!”
4. Blowgun
A blowgun is a pistol with a large barrel or a shotgun with a short barrel. Make sure that when you say, “Check out my blowgun!” you’re referring to your bicep, not your SO.
5. Bumfiddler
A bumfiddler is one who spoils something. This opens the door for perfect insults. It works great when your roommate ruins the top she borrowed from you, or when your bestie doesn’t want to go to happy hour with your crew.
“Oh my God, you’re such a bumfiddler!”
6. Cockapert
A cockapert is someone who is impudent or offensively bold. Once again, this lends itself to great insults without much work. Just hope that whoever hears this doesn’t picture a shaggy dog when you say it.
“I can’t believe you said that! You cockapert!”
Don’t insult this cutie by mixing up Cockapoo and Cockapert!
7. Dreamhole
A dreamhole has nothing to do with sleep, or whatever else your mind may have imagined. It’s simply a hole in a tower for light and fresh air to enter. Of course, whomever you direct it toward as an insult doesn’t need to know that.
“You’re such a useless dreamhole.”
8. Fingerine
A fingerine is a female pickpocket. Tell your friends that a fingerine is bad, or that you saw a fingerine at a party and decided it was time to leave. Either way, this word is guaranteed laughs and perhaps a few strange looks.
“Remember guys, no one likes a bad fingerine!”
9. Fuksheet
The fuksheet is the foremost sail on a ship. Very few people, of course, will know this, making fuksheet an insult with endless possibilities. No one needs to know that you aren’t using it correctly, and you can still defend the fact that you haven’t used a profanity.
“Holy fuksheet!”
10. Gullgroper
A gullgroped is a swindler, or someone who scams gullible and vulnerable people. It’s perfect to use on someone who’s being a bully. “Quit being a gullgroper,” sounds much less likely to make them turn on you than, “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size,” though we aren’t making any promises.
11. Haboob
It sounds like an outburst from your immature little cousin in middle school, but a haboob is really a type of intense dust storm. While not so insulting, it’s still fun to say, maturity aside.
“I really wish this haboob would leave us alone!”
12. Invaginate
To invaginate something is to sheathe it, or to turn it inside out. Tell your SO to invaginate your clean laundry, because we know you didn’t do it before you threw those shirts in the washing machine. Just don’t blame us if he takes it the wrong way and makes a move on you.
“Hey bae, can you invaginate this laundry for me?”
13. Jerkinhead
It’s not an end table from Ikea. A jerkinhead is a type of roof with a hipped end truncating a gable. Of course, your friend who’s getting on your nerves won’t know this when you break this word out. Just don’t use it on your architecture major friends.
“Would you quit being such a jerkinhead?”
This roof is a real jerkinhead.
14. Kumbang
Another meteorological event, a kumbang is a very dry south wind. There are many possibilities for using this word as an insult, but almost none of them have anything to do with a wind.
“The conversation last night was such a kumbang.”
15. Lobcock
A lobcock is someone stupid. Perhaps the only upside for there being so many stupid people in the world is the opportunity to use this fun word again and again and again. It just might be the best insult that isn’t a cuss word.
“That guy was a total lobcock.”
16. Lucubrate
Lucubrating is studying at night by artificial light. This fits into college life during any part of the semester, but especially as finals approach. Tell your friends you plant to lucubrate all night long, and leave them wondering how you passed all of your finals with flying colors.
“I lucubrated for hours last night.”
17. Masticate
To masticate simply means to chew. This leaves it open to hilarious opportunities. Just watch peoples reactions when you tell them you love to masticate in Stamp, or that your whole family masticates together during dinner.
“My best friend hates to masticate in front of other people.”
18. Nestle-Cock
A nestle-cock is a spoiled child. Everyone knows at least one of these people, which makes it a very useful word to know. Though they can’t get mad at you for using it to describe them—after all, it’s not a bad word—that doesn’t mean they won’t.
“All of those frat guys are huge nestle-cocks.”
19. Niddicock
Much like lobcock, a niddicock is a foolish person. It can be used to perfectly describe your friend after they fail their final. It might even make them laugh. Or it might make them angry. Use your best judgment before trying it out.
“How did you manage to mess that up? You niddicock!”
20. Peniaphobia
It’s not what you’re thinking. Peniaphobia is simply a fear of poverty. A case of peniaphobia is no laughing matter, even though you and your besties might giggle at the mention of it.
“I think engineering students are cursed with peniaphobia.”
21. Sackbutt
One who played the sackbutt actually played an ancient instrument similar to a trombone. Use this word around all your band geeks to get a round of laughs, or use it around your more musically challenged friends as a funny insult.
“He loves a good sackbutt.”
A variety of a sackbutts.
22. Sexagesm
A sexagesm is one sixtieth of something, sex in reference to the number six. For example, a minute is a sexagesm of an hour. Or maybe that boy last night was a sexagesm of the number of people your drunk friend has made out with this semester. The chances to slip this into conversation as an insult are endless, and hilarious.
“Of all the people Jenny’s kissed, Ryan was just a sexagesm.”
23. Sexfoil
A sexfoiled plant has six leaves or petals from the same center. As in the previous word, the prefix sex refers to the number six. This doesn’t have to stop you for using it everytime you didn’t get the cute guy from the party to go home with you. No one is going to think, “I was sexfoiled” means you had six leaves growing from your head, unless maybe their a plant sciences major.
“His buddy totally sexfoiled me when he interrupted us at the party.”
24. Teasehole
In case you haven’t caught on, a teasehole is another perfectly innocent word. It’s merely an opening in a glass-making furnace for fuel. Of course, it wouldn’t be on this list if it didn’t sound not-so-innocent. Use this word however you wish; the possibilities are boundless.
“You shouldn’t lead guys on, teasehole.”
25. Titular
Anyone bearing a title is titular. Congratulate your bestie on being so titular when she gets to be the Chair or VP of a group. She ought to thank you. Of course, she might want to hit you instead.
“Wow, I’m impressed! You’re so titular!”