When it comes to dating many of us are hopeless romantics and believe their “perfect partner” is out there waiting for the right time to knock on their door and sweep them off their feet. Does this perfect man/woman exist? If so, what makes them so perfect? I am a firm believer that there is a soul mate for everyone.
I think we tend to rule out so many potential mates because they do not meet our unrealistic expectations or they have something we consider to be a deal breaker. A dating deal breaker is a permanent quality about someone that cannot be overlooked and terminates any possibility of a relationship.
When searching for the perfect man or woman, it is important to know what your deal breakers are while still keeping them reasonable and to a minimum. For example, appropriate deal breakers include someone that is abusive, lies and has a significant age gap, or religious differences.
Senior criminal justice major Aaron Gregg tries to have an acceptable outlook on women. He said his perfect girl, “Has a good sense of humor and is smart, athletic, understanding, and adventurous.” Some of his dating deal breakers are bad hygiene, smoking, no fashion sense, low self-esteem, clinginess, having children and being uneducated. Gregg thinks girls have an unrealistic expectation to spend all of their time with their partner. His celebrity crush is Alicia Keys.
Alexa Pierre, junior communication major, says, “It is unrealistic for men to expect women to all have long hair, the perfect body, and wear heels everyday.” Pierre’s celebrity crush is Trey Songz. She describes her perfect man to be, “Tall, athletic, handsome, hardworking, and driven.” Her deal breakers include men that are unemployed, unexciting, use hard drugs, have serious criminal records, are broke, or have been involved with one of her friends.
On a recent episode of the VH1 reality show, Tough Love Miami, matchmaker, love coach and relationship expert, Steve Ward taught a lesson on deal breakers. The show features his relationship boot camp with eight women who cannot figure out why they are still single. He found one of their problems to be that they are too picky and have ridiculous deal breakers.
Some of the women’s demands were that their potential mates make over $100k a year, weigh between 180-220lbs, and love exercise. Ward taught that deal breakers should not be superficial. He said, “It’s okay to have preferences, but even your preferences have to be realistic.”
Melissa, Paciotti, junior environmental science and policy major, agrees with Ward. “Deal breakers shouldn’t just be about physical appearance, they should be about more important things,” Paciotti said. She describes her perfect man as a nerd. She values intrinsic qualities like intelligence. She says ideally her mate will be, “An engineer, an eagles scout and a family man.” Paciotti wants a guy that finds her quirkiness endearing. Most importantly, she lives by the famous “Spice Girl standard” that “If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.”
In other words a guy must get along with people she’s close to and valued like her friends. One of Paciotti’s deal breakers is cockiness. “If a guy walks around being cocky, he is going to put himself before you all the time,” Paciotti said. She thinks it is unrealistic for men to expect women to be perfect at cooking and cleaning. “It should be a partnership,” Paciotti said. “This isn’t the 1950’s.”
All things considered, it is important to make your deal breakers realistic or you will end up alone. As an example of what not to do, here are some of the dating deal breakers I have heard and found to be ridiculous and amusing:
– having ears that are too low – wearing fake hair/nails
– having an identical twin – going to a rival ACC school
– being an athlete – owning a flip phone
– having small feet – lying about their embarrassing last name
– having an AOL email address – wearing socks to bed
– being a picky eater – replies to texts too quickly
– is bad at math – is an LGBT major
– doesn’t recycle – quotes movies too often
Do not let silly things like these allow you to reject some one that in reality could be the soul mate you have been searching for.