How I stopped looking for validation in others
I remember working on a poster in high school and asking my teacher if it was good. I was seeking validation from an authoritative figure to reassure myself that I was succeeding. My teacher looked at me and said,
“Do you think you did a good job? You can see you did, so why did you have to ask me?”
I was taken aback by her response and stayed silent. She continued, saying
“In a few months your going to be in college where no one will give you any validation for the hard work you do so you gotta remember to be proud of yourself without anyone telling you.”
I wasn’t sure how to process what it meant to not seek approval from others. All throughout high school, we are all conditioned to get good grades and be rewarded with a treat from our parents. We were used to getting praised for every single achievement we accomplished, including getting into college.
I tried to keep her words in the back of my head but it was still difficult to process. I wanted to be confident in my pursuits, but I also wanted others to approve. I wanted to be recognized for my hard work, but I know people aren’t always willing to give you praise. Instead they see you as a rival or worse a failure.
The moment of truth struck me when I decided to choose an obscure college that no one thought was ‘good enough.’ People would praise those who got into Oxford, the Ivies, and all the prestigious well-known schools, but I wasn’t phased by my decision to go to a public university in the suburbs of Maryland. I knew deep in my heart that I could accomplish far greater things because I believed in myself. As cliché as it sounds, I didn’t need the validation of my family or friends to feel like I’m doing the right thing with my life. I had some doubts about my decisions, but at the end of the day, I knew that I would do whatever it takes to prove those who doubted me wrong.
As I write this after my first year of college, I can wholeheartedly say my life has only gotten better knowing that affirmation only gives you a speck of happiness while your own creations bring endless joy.
I remember sitting in my statistics class and getting 100% on a test. I looked around; the person next to me didn’t care and my professor seemed to be trying to set up Kahootz for the 200 students in lecture. At that moment I felt that I had to be my own biggest fan and say ‘good job to myself, you earned it.’
I carried this mentality throughout my freshman academic experience and landed my first internship at a federal agency for radio broadcasting (Journalism major right here). High school me would never have expected this to happen, and feeling like I exceeded my own expectations truly made me proud. Now as a rising junior, I can proudly say that I have had two journalism internships, the other being at a local TV broadcasting station in Laurel. I am also now the campus correspondent of our Maryland chapter which I am super excited about. There are so many things that I’ve learned from just validating my own actions and feeling proud of myself, but I’ll save that all for another article.
What I’m trying to say is, just do as much as you can without caring what others think and don’t spend too much time worrying about looking like a fool and failing, because the only person you can disappoint is yourself. At the end of the day, it is you who lives your life and as college kids like to say.
“You just gotta live your best life”
I know it’s scary and I know life won’t drastically change after reading this but if you can remember that creation beats affirmation in the little things you do every day, i.e. changing your own tire for the first time, or cooking your first salmon avocado zucchini pasta, it will accumulate into the larger things in life.