A few months have passed after your horrible break-up with the person you thought was the one. To your surprise, you have forgotten about him and the idea of being in the “single market” does not seem that bad after all. You have been going out on dates, having fun, and enjoying your life until he (yes, your ex) decides to come out of the blue and announce that he wants to give your relationship another shot.
Photos by Krista Stucchio
“YES, I DO!” List
This list features all the reasons why you want to give him another chance and try to make your relationship actually work this time.
He has truly changed:
Regardless of all the time you spend thinking that this person would never change, now you have him standing before you asking to let you prove that he has completely changed.
Celebritysightings.alloy.com suggests you do not need to transform him to somebody else, but “if there was something about him that really bugged you, (like he never returned your calls, or got super jealous of your friends) you have to know that he's willing to modify the behavior that caused problems and ultimately ended your relationship.”
You just do not want to spend the holidays, night, days or even hours alone:
Although you enjoy your single life, now that he came back, he brought with him all the good memories that you two have shared together. He reminded you of all your romantic moments, dinners, sleepovers, nights out and you realized how much you actually miss all these.
Not one of your dates after him worked out:
You went out with so many guys and you were ready to make a new beginning, but you actually felt that not one of your dates after him had the potential to be your next boyfriend. You could not picture yourself being in a relationship with them. Ever worse, they made you miss the relationship you and your ex had while you were together.
You feel that now you can set some ground rules and make your relationship work:
As Dani Martinson mentions in her Glamour.com article “The Dos and Don’ts of New Relationships”, suggests that when you are in a relationship you DO need to know your boundaries, DO learn to divide your time, and above all DO stay true to yourself.
“Nahh, I think I’ll pass” List
This list features all the reasons of why there is not any strong reason for you to give it another shot, and you rather stay single instead.
Because you promised yourself that you would be stronger
You cannot forget how much your break-up hurt, how many hours you spent crying, and how many times you vowed to yourself that you need to be stronger. Now that he is back you actually realize that what you want is to be in single, and keep having fun with your friends.
Your friends, and family disapprove of him
Who can forget all those times that you called your friends, family etc. cursing your ex and blaming him for all the psychological issues that he has created for you upon your break-up? (Why did he break up with me? Is he dating someone else? Am I not good enough? What did I do wrong? And, as you know, the list can go on forever.)
They all agreed then that he is immature, a jerk, not THE one for you, and you are better off without him. They advised you that time would heal the wounds, and you would soon feel much better. Now that they have indeed healed, but he has returned, how on earth are you going to tell them that you are going back to him?
Even if he has changed, you have changed too, and your new self does not want to go back to him
He assures you that he has changed, and that he is willing to do anything to make you happy. Only if he had said that just a few months ago, you would not need anything else to feel like the happiest girl on the world.
However, now it is too late. Through your break-up you were able to discover your inner strengths, set new goals in your life, and meet new people who successfully proved to you that you do not need him. Your new, better, and confident you knows her worth and does not want to go back to someone who already rejected you once.
An ex is an ex. PERIOD.
Bottom line, he is a person that belongs to the past and he has no place in your amazing and incredibly valuable present and future. As many people say “An ex is called an ex because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future.” This is the single simplest reason of why you do not want to start going out with him again. He is your ex and he better stay like that. PERIOD.
The University of Maryland, College Park collegiate have strong and firm opinions about whether and ex deserves a second chance or not. “I believe that if he is truly willing to change things that were not working in our relationship before he does deserve a second chance,” junior communication and public relations major Alexis Cecil said. “However, if he is not willing to change, and give his all, then neither should I.”
In sum, regardless of what everyone says, you are the one who has the last word in your choices. If your instinct tells you that it is worth giving him another chance then go ahead and do it. And if you fail, then do so spectacularly. There is nothing wrong with following your instinct, and your heart when it comes to issues like love. In the bottom line, as the writer of the article “Should I Give Him A Second Chance? Or a 3rd, 4th, 20th” Natalie Lue said, “If loving you means that I can’t love me, I’ll choose me.” Good luck!