Why You Shouldn’t Tell Introverts to Change
The phone call came on a Friday night just after I changed into pajama pants and settled into bed with a good book. It was an old friend, and immediately upon my answering the phone he began jabbering about a last minute kickback he was planning for later that night. He went on for a few minutes, relaying the details of who was going and all the exciting possibilities for what they might do together, finally asking if I wanted to come. Although it did sound like fun and I knew some friends would be there, it had been a long, exhausting week full of school, extracurricular activities, and family obligations, so I ended up said no. My plans were already set: reading, snacking, and maybe a movie (or two).
After a couple minutes of groaning and teasing me about being a “grandma,” he finally let me get back to my alone time. Before he hung up, he promised that he would, “make an extrovert out of me.” I knew he was joking, but something about that remark stuck with me. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with introverts, and it’s unfair when introversion as immediately chalked up to being shy or antisocial. Introverts naturally need time to themselves to think and recharge, and that says nothing about a person’s character. Even more so, I don’t think that I could just become an extrovert even if I really tried. Sure, there are times when I put in an effort to be more outgoing and spend more time with social activities like parties and clubs, but that doesn’t change how mentally and physically drained I feel after the fact. No matter how much I push myself, I know that eventually I’ll have to come crawling back to my own little personal bubble to feel normal again. I accepted a long time ago that that’s just how I function, and I know that there are so many people who feel the same. We are not going to change.
Sometimes it can be frustrating to live in a world where it seems like introversion is frowned on, so I started reading up on why I am the way I am. What I found was fascinating. Although there are many factors that influence personality traits like extroversion and introversion, one of the most interesting reasons actually lies in a difference in brain chemistry. There is a difference in the way our brains process the neurotransmitter dopamine, which stimulates the reward system and is related to how we experience pleasure when we encounter external stimuli like noises and activity. Extroverts tend to have more dopamine receptors in their brains, which means that they require more dopamine to feel pleasure and that they can handle higher levels of dopamine in general. This also means that extroverts’ reward systems are more active when they encounter lively situations, so they are more likely to enjoy thrilling situations. Introverts have a lower tolerance for dopamine, so they usually get overwhelmed more easily when they are stimulated too much and require very little stimulation to get excited. This explains why extroverts are more likely to enjoy parties and concerts, which are full of new noises and smells and people. Introverts can enjoy them too, of course, but they are more likely to get tired of all that activity after a while.
Another defining distinction between introverts and extroverts is that they usually tend to make decisions differently. Introverts usually need to pull aside and spend some alone time to think before they make decisions, whereas extroverts are more likely to make decisions on the fly. One explanation for this behavior can be found in our brains’ grey matter, which is responsible for abstract thinking and decision making. Introverts typically have a larger mass of grey matter in their prefrontal cortexes, which means that they require more time to wade through thoughts and sort them out. Extroverts have smaller mass of grey matter, which could explain why they don’t need as much time to reflect before acting.
Something that I think is important to mention is that although these differences in behavior represent many introverts and extroverts, everyone is an individual and can act in ways contrary to how introverts and extroverts stereotypically behave. There are introverts who love jamming out at concerts and there are extroverts who love nothing better than cuddling up on the couch in sweatpants. A lot of people switch in between the two. But the main thing is that neither is better than the other because it’s just a natural preference. It’s something that you can’t change, so be sure to love your introvert and extrovert friends for who they are. Whether it’s a night on the town or a night binge watching Netflix, you are bound to have an awesome time.