How to Cope with Losing Your Person
The friends that you grew up with are the people that you think you are never going to lose. They are your people and you will never grow a part. High school comes and you make some new friends, but you always stick with your original group. You graduate and you spend as much time as possible with your friends because you know you won’t be able to soon. Then college comes and you move far away from each other. If you are lucky, you will keep in touch with your friends back home and you count down the days until you are reunited. Some of us, however, aren’t so lucky, and we become too busy to think about the people from home.
Here is my experience with losing my best friend from home.
I met my best friend on the bus in the fifth grade. Everyone thought she was annoying, but she really wasn’t that bad if you talked to her. Classic story. We didn’t become close until the seventh grade, and we were inseparable ever since. Her and I went through everything together. I was the first person she called when she got a boyfriend; She was the person I turned to when I couldn’t play sports anymore; I was the one who helped her will all her boy troubles; and she was the one that tried to talk me out of getting bangs my freshman year (she was unsuccessful and my hair looked awful). We had a legendary Meredith and Cristina friendship. She was my person and I was hers.
We had talked about going to the same college, but we both agreed that we needed our own experiences. In the end, she moved four hours away from home and I moved 18 hours away. The option of visiting each other was ruled out almost immediately. However, we were determined to stay best friends.
Our friendship lasted for most of the first semester, but it wasn’t the same. It is hard to find a private place to FaceTime or talk on the phone. We are both involved with different organizations on campus, which made communicating difficult. She was still there for me when I struggled and I was there for her. At the end of the day, we both had a shoulder to cry on.
Making deep connections with people at college is not something that happens instantaneously, so that is why it was so great to still have my best friend from high school to talk about the hard stuff with.
Eventually school got in the way of daily communication, so we talked when we could. Then when breaks rolled around we couldn’t fit each other into our schedules, so we only saw each other once or twice. This put a strain on our friendship because it was obvious that we weren’t putting in effort to make time for each other. It got to the point where we were no longer each other’s shoulder to cry on. I wasn’t the first person she called when she had boy troubles. I was lucky if she told me anything.
I had dealt with this before, so I knew the warning signs. A friendship break up is worse than a relationship break up, in my opinion. You no longer have that go to person. You start wondering who you are going to spill your feelings to after a rough day. You start looking for a replacement, but you can’t find one.
For me, I turned to my mom. My mom and I are extremely close, so I asked her for advice on what to do. She told me that this was part of life. It isn’t the fun part, but it’s just what happens. Sometimes you need to shake off the people of the past to start a new. It is normal to blame yourself, but in the end, it was time.
I’m looking at this in a positive light because it has given me the chance to create stronger friendships with the people that I have met at college. They are the ones that I can count on to make me laugh and to talk me through a tough situation. This gave me the opportunity to find my people again.
I still don’t hear from my best friend often. She doesn’t give me life updates anymore, but that’s all a part of the process. I still call her my best friend because she is. I know that if I really need her then she will be there for me, but I can’t rely on her to always be there.