When Queen and David Bowie combined forces for their 1981 hit “Under Pressure,” they could only have been expressing the sense of impending doom felt viscerally by a writer staring wide-eyed at a blank page, waiting for eloquent words to project themselves onto the screen. As the “ticks” and “tocks” of the never-ceasing hands of time grow louder and still more urgent, the writer’s fingers slam the keyboard with a ferocity comparable to a stampede of wildebeests. Will they cross the finish line unscathed (disregarding, of course, the certain loss of sleep, dignity, and motor function their hands)?
For those blessed souls who’ve never endured the sheer carnage of writing under deadline – or for those very familiar with the unnerving experience, but simply looking for someone to commiserate with – read on to enjoy a telling of this writer’s plight told by Academy Award winner, Emma Stone.
You’ve been given a writing assignment which is wonderful news! You absolutely love writing and you can’t wait to get started.
This article isn’t due until days from now. So it’s time to sit back, relax and UNWIND.
You get an email from your editor saying, “I hope your article is coming along well! I can’t wait to see it tomorrow,” to which you respond, “Of course! It’s going great!”
OK, it’s finally time to get cracking. Time to sit and wait for the brilliant ideas to come…Waiting….waiting…waiting.
You wonder why you chose this God-forsaken career path. Why didn’t you pay attention in math?
The time is ticking, but you hate every single sentence you write. Seriously, you feel like a fourth grader could do better than this.
You’re so close! Finally there! But after using your computer incessantly all day it’s now at 1% battery right when you are about to upload your article.
The article is finally in the hands of your editor! Albeit, a bit later than they had hoped…