“How can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two?” -Taylor Swift
For me, it’s more like seventeen and twenty-one. I truly thought I had it all figured out at seventeen, going into that first fall semester of college. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do and be in life, and that it would all come easily to me. Fast forward a few years and I only have one semester left of college, and I can confidently say I have no idea what I’m doing. I also say it shamelessly, because being stuck in the “not knowing” is okay, and honestly better for me.
I used to think I was going to be a teacher, just because I would get to teach English and have my summers off. Then I realized how being a teacher might not be the best fit, and I would be miserable back in a sweaty middle or high school again. So for the last three years, when people have asked me, “So what are you going to do with an English degree?” my response has been, “No idea.” I felt belittled, I felt dumb for not having a better answer, and I felt like a failure already before even reaching senior year.
Now, I wish I could go back in time and tell my freshman-year self that life is exciting in the unknown. Sure, I’m about to graduate without a plan, but that gives me so much room to explore life and the things I am capable of. I am in no way shaming others who chose to go straight into full-time work after graduation, or straight into graduate schools, I just wish society would stop shaming those who are clueless, like me.
This feeling of having no real direction used to freak me out so much. I would have full-blown breakdowns about having to stay at the job I’ve had since high school while my peers are off pursuing corporate jobs and idealistic careers. If only I could talk to that seventeen-year-old girl who thought she had it all mapped out, just to realize life is way more complicated than that. The same girl that would break down at the words, “So what are you going to do with your life?” The girl who thought she knew everything just to realize in reality knew nothing at all. If I could talk to her, I would tell her all the cool new hobbies I would try, and talents I would discover I was good at, and tell her she is a much more well-rounded person than she ever thought herself to be.
It’s great to have a plan for your life, but I’m glad my plan at seventeen fell through. I’m scared of what’s to come in a few months post-grad, but I’m also excited by all the things I can do with that time.