When you meet someone that’s bad for you, a little part of you knows it. If we could just follow that instinct, it would save us a whole lot of time and feelings. People usually show us who they are pretty soon after meeting them– the issue is that when you like someone, you’ll make both conscious and subconscious choices to ignore things that send off sirens in your head. As they said on BoJack Horseman, “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.” Let’s talk about what those red flags are so that maybe you can dodge that bullet before it hits!
1. They’re a serial monogamist.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship; there is a problem with never being single. People who jump from a long term relationship right into another long term relationship are usually the type of people who don’t know how to be alone. Being single makes you come into yourself (I personally LOVE being single), and if you never have the chance to love yourself without someone else’s validation, you will never even learn who you are. Serial monogamists jump around so often in relationships that you could be the first rebound that they could cling onto, and they’ll probably be dating someone else within a month of you guys breaking up. They don’t need you; They need external validation.
2. They accuse you of cheating on them, even though you’re not.
This is an insecurity thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super easy to have trust issues in today’s climate, but if your partner doesn’t trust you and you haven’t even given them a reason to be that way, that’s their own toxicity. You can’t have a good relationship with no trust.
The more troubling part of this red flag is that if they’re accusing you with no backing, it probably means that they are cheating. We project our own thoughts and feelings onto others, so if they’re doing this, it makes sense that they are the cheater. It also distracts from their own escapades. Any and all of my friends who have been accused of cheating (for no reason) have later found out that they’re being cheated on.
3. They tell you what you can and cannot do/they’re possessive.
Oh hell no. You are your own keeper, stop letting other people make decisions for you. If I ever allow this, call the church because that is NOT me in that body– I’ve been possessed.
4. They’ve cheated on exes.
Do you think you’re special? So did their ex. And the ex before that. And the ex before that…
5. They say they love you WAY too fast.
Lifehack: they don’t.
6. They don’t support your dreams.
No matter how wild your dreams may seem, they’re most likely totally possible. Don’t settle for someone who tells you that you’re “not being practical;” don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t hype you up all the way. They should hype you up for everything that brings you joy.
7. How they talk to/talk about the other people they’re around.
If you’re dating a guy who yells at his mother, is rude to the waiter, or finds ridiculous reasons to call his ex “crazy,” odds are that he doesn’t respect others enough and that will eventually come out in your relationship.
8. They discriminate against others.
RUN.
The red flags are plentiful, but this is a good place to start. Let’s leave the red flags to the NASCAR races (I assume there are red flags, I really don’t watch NASCAR). Take off those rose-colored glasses and throw on a classic pair of shades!