A breakup can be one of the hardest things to go through. Heartbreak is very real and often life changing. If you have ever been heartbroken, you know the feeling. Romantic relationships are unique in how they affect us. They bring out many intense emotions and reactions. Your significant other is a huge part of your day-to-day life. They are your person, and you might envision a future with them by your side. So, when a relationship ends, it can truly be a devastating loss. Sometimes it can feel like you will never be happy again, or like you can’t live without them. Breakups can take a toll on your self-worth, leaving you feeling rejected or not good enough. You might struggle with anxiety as you ask yourself a million questions. Are they happier without me? Are they seeing someone else? Will I find love again? All of these feelings can be overwhelming, but they are normal. There is no timeline when it comes to the healing process. Just take one day at a time. There are many things you can do for yourself while recovering from a breakup. Here are some healthy and effective tips to help you recoup after the split:
1. Let it all out
After a breakup, your emotions are running high. You might do a lot of thinking, moping around, and crying. When you’re heartbroken, it can be hard to focus on your responsibilities and be productive. That is okay! Breakups can be traumatic, and you need time to yourself to heal. The healthiest thing you can do is let yourself feel everything. Take a mental health day or two. Lay in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys and ugly cry if you need to. Most importantly, don’t bottle things up inside. Turn on that playlist of sad songs and sob it out.
2. Turn to your support system
For a little while, you might not feel like yourself around family and friends. It’s hard to be there for other people when you are dealing with your own struggles. Once you start to feel comfortable talking about your breakup, let your friends and family be there for you. Don’t go through this alone! When I was going through my first breakup, having a support system really got me through it. I texted my friends all the time about it. They had been through it before, and their advice was so helpful. My friends helped me see things that I couldn’t, and they showed me a silver lining. They also cheered me up and helped me take my mind off of things. As long as your friend is in the right place mentally, don’t hesitate to lean on them after a breakup. I also asked my mom for advice a lot. Our parents have way more experience than we do, so don’t underestimate their words of wisdom! A strong support system of people you trust is so important. This can include a therapist or counselor. Sometimes we need that extra support, and therapy is so helpful when dealing with things like breakups.
3. If you don’t have anything nice to say…write it down!
Yes, I am encouraging you to be petty AF after a breakup. Whether you can’t stop thinking about your ex, or you’ve tried to banish them from your mind, revisiting your old relationship can be helpful. It’s normal to idealize your old relationship and your ex. You might feel that your relationship was perfect and that you lost the most amazing person ever. But I am here to tell you that no relationship, and no person, is perfect or flawless. Now this may sound extra and sort of mean, but I swear it helps. Write down all of the not-so-good things about your relationship as well as your ex’s negative qualities. You don’t have to savagely roast them, but don’t hold back. Jot down the things you always found annoying or unlikeable about them. Really focus on how they weren’t good enough for you, and list the red flags they showed in your relationship. Did your ex have a habit of interrupting you all the time? Or maybe they never went out of their way to make you feel appreciated. If you write these things down, you will start to see that the relationship had its flaws. Even if your ex was a really great person, thinking about their negative qualities can help when it feels like you will never find better. Keep this list to yourself, and remember—do not bash your ex to other people. This will come across horribly and you won’t pass the vibe check.
4. Out of sight, out of mind
It can be tempting to take a trip down memory lane, but try not to. I found that literally deleting my ex out of my life helped me move on. Rip up pictures with your ex and, dare I say, burn them? If that gives you peace of mind, then go for it. It’s not like you would be the first person to do it. Get rid of any gifts they gave you, or keep them if you want. I would trash birthday cards and teddy bears, but don’t feel bad about holding onto that Kate Spade wallet. If you’re going to walk away from a relationship, do it in style. Go through your camera roll and social media and get rid of any pictures with your ex. Don’t forget to delete them from your snap memories. The last thing you need is to be ambushed by a cute picture of your ex when you’re trying to move on. Thanks, snapchat.
5. Distract yourself
When your mind is racing with thoughts and you are feeling every emotion possible, try and distract yourself and stay in the moment. It’s easier said than done, but it can really help. From my experience, watching a lot of Netflix was a great distraction. Start a new show that requires you to pay attention. You might become invested in the plot and forget about your ex for a bit. I recommend watching funny tv shows and comedy movies. Parks and Recreation, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Broad City are the funniest shows I’ve ever watched. You also can’t go wrong with Friends! Another way to distract your mind is to read. Get lost in a good book, it truly works! Or try out a new hobby. Channel your inner chef or baker. Get artistic and work on your drawing skills. Make a scrapbook. Start a bullet journal. There are so many options.
6. It’s all about self-care
Self-care is more than just face masks and bath bombs. Self-care is anything we do to take care of ourselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally. For example, fixing your sleep schedule and practicing good sleep hygiene is an amazing act of self-care. Put your phone down an hour before bed, take a warm bath, read a paper book, and try to get to sleep at a reasonable time. Try a weighted blanket or an essential oil diffuser. Eat a healthy diet and cut down on alcohol. Do not drink to cope with your feelings, it never helps. Exercise daily and try incorporating new activities to get you moving. When I was dealing with a breakup, going to the gym helped me tremendously. It relieved my stress, gave me some much-needed endorphins, and made me feel so much better about myself. Try setting a routine and sticking to it. You will feel more organized and productive! Clean and organize your living space, it will have such a positive impact on your mental health. Make your bed every morning, even this small act can make you feel better. Self-care can also mean setting boundaries. Learn to say no more often. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, especially after a breakup. Say no to things you don’t want, and yes to things you do. Go on that trip you have been wanting to take forever. Get your friends together and plan something fun! Spend time with your family and give your grandparents a call. Show your pet some love, or adopt a pet if you can. Do something to help others, it really makes you feel good. Overall, make time for things that bring you pleasure and meaning. Treat yourself! Do things that nourish and relax your mind and body. There are so many ways to practice self-care. Show yourself the love you deserve.
7. Dear Diary
Another thing that really helped me after a breakup was journaling. When you can’t get your mind off of things, try writing it all down. It is extremely cathartic and great for your mental health. You don’t have to be Ernest Hemingway, just get your thoughts on paper and off your chest. Don’t hold back either, I try to write down whatever comes to mind—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Vent, but also reflect on your relationship and what it taught you. Then, set some intentions for yourself. How can you grow as a person, and where do you want to be one week, one month, or one year from now? Don’t forget to practice gratitude. Write down what you are grateful for, it will help you see the bright side of things. If you get stuck with writer’s block , there are so many journals that come with prompts to guide you. I suggest one titled The Break-Up Journal: Your Interactive Solution to Surviving a Split by Tom Devonald, which you can get on Amazon.
8. Do you really need closure?
Oftentimes, we might feel that we need closure after a breakup. If things don’t end on the best of terms, you might be looking for reassurance. While it’s nice to leave a relationship with a sense of mutual respect and understanding, you don’t need that to move on. In order to get over your ex, you have to let go of the hope that you might end up together one day. If you were broken up with, disrespected, hurt or cheated on, you definitely don’t need anything more from the relationship. No matter the explanation your ex gave as to what went wrong, you will never truly know what they were thinking. Maybe they simply lost feelings, or they wanted to be single, or they caught feelings for someone else. As heartbreaking as the truth may be, it says nothing about you as a person. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and it’s likely that you two were just not compatible. Don’t look for closure from your ex, it can just lead to more hurt feelings. At some point you have to just say “it is what it is.”
9. Getting back in the game
It might be tempting to find a rebound after a breakup. Whether you are looking to make your ex jealous, or you think that getting a new partner will help you move on, jumping into things too soon can do more harm than good. When emotions are still fresh, you might not be in the right place to be with someone new. The lingering feelings from your old relationship can translate into a new one. You might find yourself comparing the relationship with your ex to your new relationship, which can doom things from the start. If deep down you are still dealing with the damage from your breakup, take a step back for a little while. I’ve been told that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, and I truly believe that. Breakups can be a blow to your self-esteem, especially if you were wronged by your ex. Work on yourself and heal your heart first. Having a rebound can distract you in the moment, but it can turn sour down the line if you’re not ready.
10. The Law of Attraction
The Law of Attraction is the idea that we have the ability to attract things into our lives by focusing on them. Some of the most influential people in history believed in this. I’m somewhat of a literature nerd, so let me share this Shakespeare line, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” In other words, our thinking shapes our reality. The world exists to us in the way we perceive it. Not to get scientific, but quantum physics actually provides support for the Law of Attraction. It is proven that you can actually change the outcome of an experiment just by looking at it. How can this be? The answer might lie in the energy we radiate. These vibrations of energy do exist. The Law of Attraction is centered around this idea, and it states that like attracts like. When we radiate positive energy, we receive positive energy in return. So how can we practice this? First, take control of the way you respond to situations. Choose to respond in a positive way, instead of dwelling on the negative. Next, try to change your pattern of thinking and focus on what you want in life. Don’t think about the worst-case scenario or the what-ifs. Decide to fill your life with what you love and enjoy. Learning to take control of your thoughts and feelings isn’t easy, but it can be done! Notice when negative thoughts pop up in your mind, and try replacing them with positive ones. When you’re going through a breakup, think of what you want . Then say it out loud, in your head, or write it down! “I will move on from this.” “I will find love again.” I know it might sound strange or corny, but people swear by this. Our thoughts can directly affect our feelings and emotions, so the first step is to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Be optimistic, even when life is tempting you to be cynical. The universe just might give you some positivity in return!