For a long time in my life, I always wanted to be a choreographer, and that somehow guided me to where I am today. Our goals and passions can take us to beautiful things. But, sometimes, we grow and change, and the reality is not easy to face. Before learning to say no to others, we have to learn to say no to ourselves.
When I had to decide my major at college, the decision made me think about something; it is hard to look at ourselves and deny something. Persist in situations, relationships, or thoughts that do not represent yourself anymore shows that we are comfortable in doing so. Deciding that something is not right for us anymore can be very challenging.
The time you realize you are more mature, grew and your tastes changed, you can be happier and accept who you are now. Here are some things that helped me learn to say no to myself:
1. Realize that some people do not match you anymore
One of the saddest moments is when you realize someone that you once were very close does not match yourself anymore. It can happen with friendships or any other kind of relationships. Take a step back and look from outside: does this person cheer you up? Are they happy when you are happy? Never forget that who you spend the most time with has a significant impact on yourself. You deserve to be surrounded by others who get happy when you are.
2. Accept your thoughts but also let them go away
Everybody has negative thoughts and who says the opposite is lying. It is natural to be pessimist sometimes and not to be 100% confident about something. However, it is essential to let them go, at the same speed they came. Say no to yourself to make your thoughts control your emotions and define who you are.
3. Only worry about what you can control
A lot of times, we worry about things that are not in our control anymore. Because of that, we must give our best in every situation, and only this way will you have control.
4. List the people you see as an example
When we get older, we tend to admire the same people we did when we were younger. But we change, grow, and our examples must change as well. This can be a famous person, someone you know or even a character in a television show or movie. Be aware of who you see as an example for you and say no to those who do not match you anymore.
5. Before saying yes to someone be sure you would say yes to yourself
Whether it is for a favor or an invitation, it is essential that before you answer to someone you answer to yourself. How many times we agree to do something and then you realize you just said “yes” without even thinking about it? What you want is what matters. And if the answer is no, teach yourself how to accept your no and to give it to others.
6. Make sure you are the same person you were before
Many times, in our lives, we do not even give a chance to know ourselves again. Some situations that five years ago or even a month ago would be a yes to you, today can be a decisive no. Respect that you changed and learn to say no to the person you were before. We are in constant change, and there is nothing wrong about switching our usual “favorite ice cream flavor since I was seven” to “my favorite ice cream flavor at the moment.”
7. Learn to accept only the best
People give us only what we agree to receive. You do not need a “once there, most never” friend or to be in a group that does not agree with you. See that you deserve better and learn to say no to what you can see it is not in its best version. Idealize yourself, do not accept less than you deserve.
8. Be proud of who you are
Everyone is unique, and that is the beauty of us! Do not let yourself tell you otherwise; you are perfect in your details, habits, and opinions. Never let other people or even yourself take away your value, you are the protagonist in your own story, and no one can take that from you.
We are always so worried to be honest with other people in our lives that we forget to be honest with ourselves first. If you have to constant please others, so they never let you on your own, take a step back and say no to put yourself in this situation. Trust your instincts; you know what you are doing and who tell you the opposite is the one that has no idea.
And highlight it in your mind: you are what others cannot see.