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Sex + Relationships

Open Letter: I Know You’re Feeling The Same As Me

I know it’s been a long time and probably shouldn’t be writing this letter to you at this very moment. My friends would probably think I’m insane to even consider “talking” to you through this. How long has it been? When I think about it, I know it has been a long time because so much has happened since that day we were sitting on the bench. Even though I changed so much, it feels like yesterday that we were laughing at each other and arguing about the most stupid things; no, I still don’t like roller coasters, if you’re wondering. Maybe things are not as different as I thought. 

I guess time is really not a rational thing. Right now, it has been so long, but I think I never really wanted to say anything about it to anyone because it would definitely mean it’s officially over. It’d be like our story happened, but it now belongs to one of those fairy-tale books. I don’t think we had a sad ending. In fact, I don’t think we even had a proper ending. 

Even if I write thousands of millions of letters like this, or walk away from our story, or try to push it out—like I know you do it too, you’ll always be right there, in every detail and every moment of my life. It’s okay; it just shows even more how much we’re alike. But I found out that pretending it never happened or not to care doesn’t change anything. It just makes it more complicated. That’s what our love meant to me: you left a piece of your true self with me, and you took me with you too. And that is precisely what we don’t want to let go of. 

What is the weirdest thing for me is that I always felt you were feeling the same as me, but I never really knew if it was true or not. But now I do, and it just makes me wonder even more about what is going on. Writing something like this has been a postponed activity for so long, and now I know you’re doing the same thing on the other side. I cannot even count on my hands how long I thought about doing this. Even though we may not be by each other’s side living life together once more, I know I’ll always carry our love with me. We weren’t each other’s first love, the one that happens so fast and ends even quicker. So what was it?

Do you ever wonder if there is a G and X out there? Can I even ask this until today? It’s been so long, but it’s like this never went away. 

Tonight I finished watching a revival of a TV show that we both loved so much, and it talked about life “turnarounds.” Even though I’m not a believer in coincidences, and you know it, a quote touched my heart. 

“Sometimes it’s just about the journey, you know?”

Maybe it was just about the journey of getting where we are today. But why is it so hard to let each other go from our own feelings? And I know you’re feeling the same too. Something changed in me, X. In my perception of our story. I now understand better why we needed to go our separate ways, but it makes me wonder if this is part of our story. Right now, I have this whole world of possibilities, and so do you. I guess I just don’t feel our story is truly over, and I wonder if you feel the same as well. 

The weirdest thing is that I know you are the X I know from inside-out, and sometimes I wonder if you forget I’m the person who most knows you in the entire world. Even if we’re not the old people we used to be, we’re still ourselves once more. 

I feel we can finally change the perspective of this. It makes sense now. I don’t know why I’ve been feeling this way. Every time someone new enters my life or your life, I see another chapter in our story. Is it wrong? Do you think it too? 

I guess I always imagined us sitting down one day down the line and just laughing about all this stuff—as we always did. I think in the end, for me, everything makes more sense, and I could be able to share those memories with you. Not in a hurtful way, more like a fun experience. 

Did we hit a pause or a stop button? That’s the question around my head for so long. But now I know it’s in yours too. 

After all this time, I wonder how much you’ve changed. I guess you wonder the same about me. Are you curious about how my life is now? 

I guess I’m just scared of my moment going away. I’m afraid that I could not have you and all my dreams at the same time. I fear that if I let you in again, I wouldn’t come back to where I’m today. I wonder if you feel the same.

You tried to reach out that week. You know what week it was, and you know I knew too. Remember when we wondered what being 20 was like? We thought it was so old and distant. I wonder if you felt that alone. Did you laugh remembering how we wondered if 20 would be so different? 

For a long time, I never dared to ask about you, but I wanted people to mention your name, so I could kill a little of my curiosity about your life. But not anymore. I guess now I’m more open. And so are you. 

After all this time, I really don’t know what keeps pulling me back to you. Maybe it’s just me. Even though it feels it’s more than that. 

The truth is, X, I’ve been feeling an emptiness. But this one is different. It’s not an empty space because we went our separate ways. It’s an emptiness of something that I’m scared of that will never be answered. I’m afraid that we’ll be strangers to each other. I’m afraid of being attached to this crazy intuition feeling that you are going through the same as me. 

I see why it didn’t work out. I know you can too. It couldn’t go forward the way it was. I needed to find myself in my own way. I needed to have the experiences I always dreamed of. I needed to live a crazy love story. You know me, I’m a dreamer. 

Hopefully, you’ll never forget me for what I said to you that night. I’ll always cheer for you, no matter what. 

Remember that night in our first year? You told me you knew you were going to be with me forever, even if we were not together. I agreed. I guess we’re paying that promise now. 

For some time, I was busy finding millions of reasons to keep you and our story on the low, so that would make it easier for me to let you go from my life. But how could I forget the person who shared the happiest memories with me? How could I forget someone who looked at me so in love? 

Could a new love be more intense than our love was? 

I wonder if one day I’ll have all those answers. 

Giuliana is the Editor-In-Chief and President at Her Campus at Lynn. She is a Senior at Lynn University, studying Marketing with a double minor in Fashion & Retail and International Business Management. Among a lot of passions, Giuliana shows a high interest in the Publishing and the Marketing Industry. She is the author of the latest book "Brand You: How to Achieve Success through Personal Branding," which was published in May 2021. The book provides a new perspective on personal branding and personal marketing. One of her biggest dreams is to continue growing her own brand and help other people achieve success through their uniqueness. Giuliana is also a sister of Sigma Sigma Sigma sorority, and member of Golden Key International Honour Society and Sigma Beta Delta International Honor Society for Business, Management and Administration.
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