Love is in the air: but is it healthy?
We all tend to let our egos talk more than we want in our romantic lives. Let’s rip off that band-aid from your relationship. And don’t worry, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome this, and don’t let it sabotage your relationship with your soul mate.
A while ago, I talked about how you can identify if your relationship is based on love or attachment. We can say that an ego-based relationship is related to attachment. Here’s why. When we let our egos speak more than our hearts, we become inflated and probably won’t hear what our partners say.
Let’s get more specific. We all know—if not, we suppose—that any relationship we get in to feel fulfilled most of the time doesn’t work. Why? Because we should be a whole first before trying to fit into someone’s half. I know this may sound cliché, but it’s very accurate. Just put yourself in your partner’s shoes in that situation. Imagine if your SO is trying to fulfill themselves within you. That is a lot of work for you! And let’s be honest, it’s not healthy at all.
To explain better why this happens, think about the wheel of life. For those who don’t know, the wheel of life is a powerful tool that illustrates the most essential “departments” of our lives that profoundly affect our happiness and fulfillment. The wheel can be personalized, but the more traditional one is divided into eight areas:
It’s common to have areas more “fulfilled” than others in our personal wheels. Maybe we’re currently focusing more on our career and health than on our romantic life and social aspects. Notice that even though this can happen, we must realize that within ourselves and not expect that external factors will fulfill our needs. For example, don’t expect that your career will meet your fun and recreational aspects if you don’t have a good relationship with your family and friends. The same with your romantic partner, don’t expect your SO to fulfill all your life areas and project on them what you wish they were.
When our egos speak louder in a relationship, we feel that we can achieve any goals in our life wheel through our partner or even think that this person can fix us and provide everything we expect from them. Here’s why you should stop it now if that’s how you feel in your current situation: it’ll only bring frustration for both you and your partner. No one can fulfill others’ expectations one hundred percent, and no one wants to!
For that, working on ourselves and feeling READY for a relationship is the best remedy to avoid an ego-based relationship that can result in a lot of pain and sadness. We all need a relationship detox from now and then, especially after coming out of a long-term relationship. This detox period is a healthy choice for a broken heart.
Don’t bring your broken heart to your new relationship. First, let go of all the past relationships that have been left in your story. Yes, it’s going to be hard, and it can take longer, maybe longer than it took your best friend. But I promise you will know when it is time to get in the commitment mood once more.
“Learn to love forward, not backward.”
Bringing your past relationship story to your current one is not a good idea and let’s be honest, why do we do that? Besides sharing with our current partner what we like and dislike in that past relationship, it’s also about fulfilling that ego that is speaking louder. Don’t listen to it.
Every relationship starts with the same goal: we want to make sure that person will be the one to commit long-term. If it ended, there was something about it that would not make this long-term aspect work. Trust it, understand the why behind the “move on,” and find your inner self again.
Focusing on yourself can be the BEST thing when you finally feel ready for your next chapter to start. Enhancing your inner beauty to the exterior world is doable for everyone, and it’s your time to shine too. When you feel good about yourself, not only appearance-wise, but you start realizing that you outgrew from past challenges, it’s a sign that you may be ready for real love and not attachment.
Coming into a relationship as a whole individual will only make you want to stay and not create tricky situations for you both. You will understand that the other person has their own life and dreams to accomplish, and your role in their life is to offer all your love and support. You don’t own the other person or their actions—they also don’t own you—because why would you want that when you have your own life wheel to take care of? That is already plenty of work.
“I think true love is when two people make each other love themselves more.”—Faraway
When you find yourself questioning if your relationship is too based on your ego and your SO’s ego, ask the reason behind that commitment. Are you happy when your partner goes to sleep before you, and you have all the time for yourself? When you finish off your day, are you fulfilled and call your partner to share your routine? Do you allow your partner to love you in their unique way? Do they sum up with you or do they divide you?
Relationships are tricky for their own existence. Don’t make it harder by satisfying your ego first before your heart. Always choose happiness, and that comes from yourself.