I grew up on the southside of Chicago. I like to consider myself equal parts Portillo’s hot dog and trap rap. Is this accurate? Maybe. But also maybe not. Nevertheless, here are some crowd favorites that your friendly neighborhood white male will, inevitably, butcher.
- Without Me // Eminem
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Be still, my beating heart. It is our Lord and Savior Eminem. And he’s back:))))))))
- King Kunta // Kung Fu Kenny Lamar
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I went through this phase my freshman year in which I would frequently text random contacts, “The Yam Is The Power That Be.” My favorite response was my dad. In true dad fashion, he shot back an “It Be.”
- Plain Jane // A$AP Ferg
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I swear, white kids from the west suburbs LOVE butchering this song. They also love giving themselves n-cards. My fellow white folk: stop. Just stop. Moving on.
- God’s Plan // Drake
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Honestly, anything by Drake slides in This House.
- Bonfire // Childish Gambino
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I went years (years) before I realized this man was called Donald Glover. I am still ashamed. Moving On.
- I Love College // Asher Roth
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Way too many 20-something males have passed out to this song on the Sig Ep lawn. To this, I say, cheers. The only thing that annoys me about this song is the promise of $1 pizza. Where? Who? What? I have YET to discover such a thing.
- Mo Bamba // Sheck Wes
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I have said it before and I will say it again. This staple has no bars. I will, however, never fail to add a “Sh*t! B*tch!” every time I hear someone say “F*ck!”
- SICKO MODE // Travis Scott
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Y’all thought I would plug Mo Bamba and not SICKO MODE? You fools. You absolute buffoons. The battle between these two songs is unlike any other I have ever witnessed. Your favor of one over the other is more controversial than the gold and white or blue and black dress debate. I could do no such thing as leave one out. Be safe out there, party goers.
- No Hands // Waka Flocka Flame
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I tried using a line from this BANGER to get my mothers attention when I was learning to drive. We were straight chugging it down Lake Shore Drive and I popped my hands off the wheel and went “look ma, no hands!” We almost died. But it will forever be my favorite memory.
- Bottoms Up // Trey Songz
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Leggo.