With Valentine’s Day around the corner, love is in the air. However, it goes without saying that love looks different for everyone. So how can we best make sure we’re giving our partners, friends, and family the kind of love they need? Well, identifying their “love language” is a great first step.
Originally coined by Gary Chapman in 1992, the five love languages are helpful ways to identify how you and your mate experience and express affection. He theorizes that each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman believes that people tend to express their love to others in the way they want to receive love themselves. Communication and paying attention to the other person’s love language allows one to demonstrate affection in ways that resonate with them on a more personal and authentic level. Incorporating this concept into your interpersonal relationships will likely improve and make your connections with others more fulfilling. Here are the five love languages and how you can utilize them.
1. Physical touch
- This one is pretty straight forward, but connecting your body to a person you love can be a pathway for connecting your souls. Whether it be a kiss, a hug, a fist bump, a snuggle, sitting next to them on the couch, or making love, physical touch can be a useful tool. It’s important to read the other person’s body language and always make sure you have consent, and you’re both comfortable. Expressing your love physically can be magical, healing, and calming when executed in a non-oppressive way. Physical touch isn’t for everyone, which is why communication is key.
2. Quality Time
- For some people, the way to their heart is to spend quality time with them. By doing this, you show them that you place more value in them than other things you could be doing with your time. It’s always important to make sure you are socially recharged before giving your time to another, but it can be a nice way to show you care. Giving your time to your loved one can look like hanging out and doing nothing, or it can be FaceTiming them, sending them funny Tik Toks, going to the grocery store together, or strolling through the park. Regardless of what you do with your time together, the basis of quality time is being present with the person you love.
3. Acts of Service
- Going out of your way to do a favor for someone, lightening their burden of responsibility, or helping them with a chore so they don’t have to do it themselves is a lovely way to show you care. Acts of service are intangible, so the meaning of the gesture lies in the act itself. Some of my favorites include making your loved one a meal, cleaning something they dread, or helping them study for a test. In these cases, actions rather than words or gifts are used to show your love.
4. Words of Affirmation
- Through spoken, written, or typed language, words of affirmation can make your loved one feel loved, valued, and reassured in a way that other expressions don’t. If your person’s love language is words of affirmation, reminding them that you care through language may be the key to making them feel validated and loved. Whether it be a verbal “thank you”, a goodnight text, a kind voicemail, or sending a poem/song that reminds you of them, words can go a long way. It’s important to use caution with how you speak to someone, for as much as words can heal, they can also hurt. Once you speak something into the universe, it’s pretty impossible to take back. Your voice is a powerful tool. Be impeccable with your word, and your kindness will seep through in all areas of your life.
5. Gifts
- The final love language is gift giving/receiving. While it may seem materialistic, the appreciation lies within the thoughtfulness and effort of the gift itself. Different from acts of service, gifts are typically a tangible expression of appreciation. It’s easy to feel awkward when receiving gifts (at least for me), but when you keep in mind that that may be your loved one’s preferred love language, then the meaning shines through. Gifts don’t always include spending tons of money. They could be as simple as buying your friend that chocolate bar they were eyeing, giving your partner a pretty rock that reminds you of them, or drawing your mom a picture. What’s important is that your loved one sees that you value them enough to go out of your way to give them something special.
Everyone expresses their love in different ways. When you put effort into understanding the people around you and cater to their specific needs, your relationship can blossom into ways that didn’t seem possible before. Identifying your love language and communicating with your loved one are great first steps to a fulfilling connection.
To discover your love language, click the link below:
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/