Feeling that you are a burden, under qualified, or taking up space in the classroom or workplace is a common experience among many women. This can even happen in spaces that are not numerically male-dominated. You are not alone, and your fears are absolutely valid, but that does not mean that the way you perceive yourself, or valuable contributions, is accurate.
In Dr. Dale Spender’s Talking in Class, in the chapter “Learning to Lose: Sexism and Education,” she highlights the common misperception that women talk a lot or even “too much.” Her study was conducted on university classroom discussions with varying gender ratios. Instructors attempted to encourage female participation as well as remaining neutral, and the results were that men spoke more words and for longer amounts of time.
The women were then asked to evaluate what percentage of the conversation they occupied in each session. Their estimations were mostly accurate. However, after sessions where men dominated 85% of the conversation, the men estimated that the session was equal. Furthermore when the men dominated 70% of the conversation they perceived the session to be majority women speaking.
Women also tend to view negotiation and conflict differently than men depending on their socialization and upbringing. In Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever’s book Women Don’t Ask, the concern of being seen as too needy, pushy, or demanding is explored as a burden women bear in magnitudes that their male counterparts often do not.
For example, in one of the women’s studies, they found that when women were asked to negotiate salaries for a peer, they made much higher offers than when advocating for themselves. Men, on the other hand, made significantly higher offers for themselves than when negotiating for others.
None of these women’s responses are their fault nor do they confirm that women are not qualified. They simply show us that ourselves and others have been underestimating women, though we still manage to be total bosses! Imagine if we could truly convince ourselves to let our lights shine, even when we don’t think anyone invited us to do so. We don’t need a formal invitation to grace a room with our full presence.
You are not a spectator. You are not a burden. Your input enriches the discussion. You belong in the conversation. You are qualified. You are still qualified if you make mistakes. You are in the room for a reason!