I Watched Twilight

I recently wrote an article that critiqued the new Twilight Saga installation,  Midnight Sun. I focused on how the audience has changed since the first book was released in 2005 and how it is easier for us to see all the things that were wrong with the characters. Like I said in that article (you can read here), I am far from a Twilight hater. I have watched the movies so many times throughout quarantine, and it truly does have a special nostalgic place in my heart. I haven’t gotten to watch it since classes started, though, so I decided that I would watch it and document my reactions in real-time (similar to a Twitter thread). Now, here it is, my lightly-edited, raw thoughts and comments on my favorite move in the world:

• The opening is iconic and an absolute cinematic masterpiece and nobody can tell me differently. 

• Whoever put the playlist together genuinely needs to be the ruler of the world. 

• Bella and Charlie in the car together give me such second-hand embarrassment and awkwardness that it is so hard to watch. “Your hair’s longer” “I cut it since the last time I saw you” “oh… guess it grew out again.” If Bella doesn’t just entertain that man, I swear.

• The cactus is such a funny piece they kept from the book, I can’t get over it.

• “You like purple, right??”

• I freaking love Charlie. 

• Omg here’s the Blacks and the TrUcK

• “I’m jacob..we used to make mud pie when we were little.” 

• He totally rebuilt the engine.

• Honestly, when Bella gets the car,  this is the most genuine emotion she shows throughout the whole series. 

• Wow, Bella is so edgy 

• Wow, there’s so much diversity (lol not) ?

• VOLLEYBALL

• “Just Bella”

• Jessica is the main character, try to tell me differently

• Woooooooow Bella is so funny hahahahaha she got kicked out of Arizona -_-

• Why did they think putting Tyler in kissing Bella’s cheek when she is obviously uncomfortable and never asked or wanted it would be a funny part of this movie?

• “THE FEATURE’S DEAD, ANGELA. DON’T BRING IT UP AGAIN.”

• HERE THE COMES THE CULLENS

• It’s Rosalie being the best in this movie for me. 

• It’s Emmett carrying a Ziploc bag of boiled eggs for me.

• It’s Jasper’s pained face for me.

• It’s Alice being a perfect fairy for me.

• It’s Edward being “totally gorgeous, obviously” for me

• The tension is real

• Class time I’m so excited they got that fan going….Oop…dang she musta forgot deodorant… and Edward musta forgot his manners.

•  I saw someone screen grab this scene and put the caption [beatboxing] under it and I can’t think about anything else…and why is this scene so long. dang.

• Jerkface

• Wow some more diversity (lol not)

• Cue creepy Buttcrack Santa.

• Wow she eats a garden burger so cute and quirky and #notlikeothergirls

• Their relationship is still so awkward I hate it, but I love charlie.

• This interaction with her mom makes me mad because she really got angry out of nowhere. It was so awkward and weird because everyone is nice to her at school and around town, so I don’t know why she is getting so worked up. Is it all just Eddie? Why does she let him affect her so much like he isn’t even that cute in this movie (but come back to me in Breaking Dawn)

• Emmett in the Jeep is my favorite–I think Emmett is my favorite.

• Ooooh she actually reads and does her school work she’s so #notlikeothergirls

• RUN RUN RUN MR. WORKER MAN THEM VAMPIRES GONNA KILL YOU!!!! :(

• Slips “ice doesn’t really help the uncoordinated.” iconic, actually. 

• It’s charlie putting new tires on the truck for me

• “You’re not in Phoenix anymore, Bells”

• If she doesn’t appreciate this man more, I’m going to lose my mind.

• EDWARD IS BACK!! (ignores and avoids any other person talking)

• His hair really is nice though.

• “Hello.”

• Why is he looking at her so much? I promise if I was the protagonist for the series I would have done some real fighting with this boy.

• “LaDiEs FiRst” “do you MinD If I LoOk”

• “You’re asking me about the weather?” “any cold wet thing, I don’t really…”

• Why was it so hard for her to actually emote in this movie?

• Edward really asked them deep questions in biology class. Definitely intrusive.

• GIRL STOP LOOKING AT HIM LIKE THAT AND CLOSE YOUR MOUTH YOU GONNA CATCH A FLY

• “It’S tHe FlUoreSceNts” *leaves* he really cracks me up.

• HEYO THERE’S A TRUCK COMING AT YOU BELLA RUUUUN STOP STARING AT THAT MAN AND HAVE SOME SELF-PRESERVATION 

• Omg

• How’s he gonna explain this one? Was it all the blue tint that made her see things? ha.

• Jasper’s face is my favorite.

• Yes, Charlie is here, everything is okay.

• CARLISLE is so handsome! I love him so much!

• “He got to me so fast he was nowhere near me” 

• I’m with Rosalie

• Why is Edward so aggressive and also very manipulative? How is he going to try and tell Bella he was standing right next to her that’s so toxic I hate it so much. “Well, nobody’s going to believe you, so. . .” 

• GET OUT OF HER ROOM YOU PERV

• Lol who actually sleeps like that, too it looks so uncomfortable.

• The mighty three (Edward Alice Jasper)

• Wow she really is rude to Mike. And why is Edward always looking like that?

• Jessica is so great.

• “Hi”

• “I had an adrenaline rush it’s very common you can look it up.”

• *falls* “Can you at least watch where you walk???” -_-  let me tell you how quickly I would have gone off on this boy if that would have been me. 

• Jessica is still amazing.

• I love Alice.

• I can’t remember… is Jasper wearing a wig? Cause dang that’s not a good look for him. 

• Bella and Charlie talking about anything is so awkward. He just wants to love her and give her the world, but she is being awful.

• “La push, baby”

• “Edible art?” CHEESE

• Yes ma’am, call out his “mood swings” (but really it’s just abuse all-round)

• Edward is literally the worst and but Bella, “understands” him (awe) *eye roll*

• “It’s just a little crowded”… cuts to an empty beach lololololololololololol

• Woah Bella is so woke and feminists telling Angela to take the lead and ask out the boy for prom. -_-

• JACOB before he was totally in awe he’s so cute and their long hair is so cute, actually.

• How can he have such perfect teeth?

• Ooooooo storytime! Yay werewolves and vampires!!! He really planted all these seeds and Bella is too curious and dang she is actually using him.

• DUDE YOU ABOUT TO GET GOT PLEASE RUN AWAY IT AIN’T GERALD WHY DO YOU SEE THE CHICK PULL YOUR BOAT BACK AND THEN TRY AND FLIRT WITH HER OMG men are so dumb for real. 

• Laurent is my favorite villain

• Why does google look crusty??

• But she really does become a detective though.

• I hate how she uses these people who are genuinely nice to her to get what she wants. She’s a terrible friend

• Angela is so precious.

• Why did they put so many terrible men in this movie? Like it added nothing to the movie to have those guys tap on the window when they are trying on dresses. It normalizes this terrible behavior. 

• I hate this part so much like he really followed her to another city because he thought she would get into trouble, even though she did. Why does he interfere with fate so much? Also, Bella seemed to have everything under control. I believe she woulda made it away from them.

• Ah, the iconic Volvo.

• Edward really has issues, but I love how he gets to show some real emotion here a little bit. 

• It was kinda lame that Angela and Jessica really weren’t worried about her and ate without her. 

• Oh, woah! mushroom ravioli Bella is so fancy!!!

• Honestly, I know that since he’s a vampire, he doesn’t eat real food, but if a guy were to take me out and not get food, then I would hate my life, and want to go home that moment. I would be miserable :(

• Oh wow, she’s so smart she knows what the square root of pi is.

• Wow he’s a mind reader “money sex money sex cat” lol 

• She’s just really not like other girls *gag me*

• The tension between me and the off button for the tv right now….

• Oh no his hands are so cold. 

• The plot thickens

• “He dIeD”

• I like this scene when they are talking to Carlisle because you can see how Carlisle is talking to Bella, but also talking to Edward in his head and I think that’s cool.

• Awe yay she’s finally being a little nice to Charlie.

• JUST CARRY THE DAMn PEPPER SPRAY

• Okay, I missed something. Why did she choose that moment to have an epiphany about this stuff? Also, I’m excited because I know what is coming next.

• CONFRONTATION

• I live for this drama. Like, this is actually how I want to live my life. 

• In the woods. Back turned. Straight to the facts. No hesitation. No more b.s. Edward. 

• “Say it. . . Out loud”

• “Vampire”

• The way he yanks her arm… I’m calling the police

• Wow, Bella is so different from the other girls because she thinks his sparkles are pretty. 

• But tbh Edward is still really overly dramatic

• The way they are just randomly walking around the woods has me cracking up–it’s so funny and dramatic. 

• Eddie go NYOOM, RIP, and BOOM!

• “I’ve killed people before…with this thumb” oh wait that’s Ratatouille™  

• “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you” okay y’all, I’m gonna head out of this world cause this chick really is playing. I know it’s supposed to be romantic or something but YUCK

• Why do they just stare at each other so much it makes me so uncomfortable. 

• She is so dramatic omg

• Ooooh, here we go they are introducing their relationship!!! She’s with Edward Cullen, yall!!!

• Nice sunnies BB 

• Why are they always walking around the woods and stuff they are so quirky

• *Cue tragic backstory*

• Why are they just chillin in the rain… I mean I guess he can’t get sick so whatever.

• VeGeTaRiAnS

• Hahaha oh wow so funny he wants to drink her blood… 

• I love all the supporting characters but they really don’t get enough recognition. But they are so cool. 

• If she doesn’t run away from this man wanting her to meet his family of vampires.

• Jacob’s here yaaaaay 

• Billy is so shady lol

• Nice house, bro I feel like I can’t even afford to look at it. The stock market must be treating you well.

• I wish there would have been coffins… 

• They are such sweet cooking food for Bella. I can’t believe that Edward was such a jerk about it. 

• …awkward

• Alice is so precious. Jasper is so funny. 

• Hahahaha Edward’s face and reactions are perfect here.

• Graduation caps….funny

• Uh-oh not going to his bedroom (minus the bed)

• PLEASE DON’T CALL HER SPIDER-MONKEY EVER AGAIN THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE I AM CALLING THE POLICE and imagine the others over-hearing that 

• More woods, gazing, and longing. 

• Again, this music is amazing. Shout-out to me for only recently finding out Robert Pattison really wrote and performed this stuff for the movie. 

• THICKENING

• Get on, Mike. you aren’t any better than the vampire goon.

• Is this… a better relationship with Charlie??

• Lol “he’s a good buddy” –if there’s one thing I can relate to Bella about.

• I kinda really love her mom

• THE GOON GETTING IN HER BEDROOM WITHOUT HER PERMISSION, AGAIN. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS AS EVER BEING OKAY. 

• He likes doing what, now???? No ma’am

• This is the most uncomfortable make-out session I have ever been forced to watch. 

• The way that he throws himself away from her ☠️ I am laughing relentlessly

• And SHE apologizes?????? 

• *cue brooding and woe*

• And so he lets her stay up late talking to him and he just stares at her? I’m over it. 

• I know he isn’t a comfy sleeping buddy cause he’s all made of stone and cold and ew

• My favorite scene = Charlie cleaning his guns Bella tells him about Edward.

• He’s important? Girl, you’ve only known him 2 minutes

• He’s so respectable though to Charlie

• BASEBALL– is this the world series? 

• “It’s time” 

• NYOOM NYOOM NYOOM VERY FAST

• The chemistry between Rosalie and Emmett is impeccable

• NOT “MY MONKEY MAN” PLEASE SOMEONE DECEASE ME

• Uh-oh they coming

• HIDE THE HUMAN

• I never understood why they made Bella put her hair down because didn’t that end up being the problem with the wind and all??

• James is the perfect bad guy because I immediately hated him easily. 

• It’s Carlisle’s hair for me

• Oop there’s a little hint of personality from Jasper

• Not the hissing and growling

• Now things are getting interesting. 

• Bella is honestly so smart and has great ideas, and I hate how nobody ever wants to listen to her. 

• I hate this part. This pain that charlie feels is way less than the pain I feel for him. She really did him wrong. Awe. “we can do more stuff together [please don’t leave I need you]. . . I just got you back…” girl, she really did him so wrong. I mean, I guess it worked, though.

• I wish someone would take over driving for me like that because I have driving. Emmett really plays too much. He didn’t have to make all that noise and be scary.

• And there we go again with the hissing

• Carlisle is so pure. I love him.

• Once again….so dramatic

• They really do zoom zoom through the woods

• Not James catching onto the plan really quickly

• Fancy psychic powers

• “You and I..are going to go somewhere alone…” ew

• Not Bella trying to be a hero when she’s human and literally can’t do anything herself. She could have literally told her vampires and they would have handled it fine. So annoying. 

• And really, how did she even get away from Alice and Jasper? She’s pretty slick.

• She does have that pepper spray, though. 

• DAAAAANG he really tricked her so easily. 

• James is so funny cause he really does like the drama. Like all villains, if he would have just killed her immediately, it would have worked and he would (maybe) still be alive. 

• I think that pepper spray just made him stronger and angrier. 

• The way he breaks her leg

• The face she makes when he breaks her leg

• Edward is here to save the day yay we love men who always have to save women. 

• Oh no she got BIT

• I really like all this jumping around and stuff

• Carlisle is once again my favorite

• I know this scene is supposed to be emotional because Bella is dying or whatever, but if you watch Jasper and Emmett in the background killing James and starting the fire, it is impossible to not laugh they look like maniacs.

• The noises she makes, while she’s dying, are awful!

• This song is very amazing though and I will never get tired of hearing it. Robert Pattinson is so talented. 

• *in the hospital* 

• The way she freaks out about Edward wanting her to leave him is definitely not healthy *activate unintelligible stammering*

• Oooo fancy dress for…prom?

• I really love charlie. I love how he never ever really like Edward after all of this (understandably so)

• Hahaha Jacob coming to warn her about the Cullens

• ~tension~

• Lol at Edward being sly about the wolves. 

• Like Edward, I just want Bella to have a normal life. I want her to have a good relationship with her human friends. Why won’t she let herself have a non-stressful life?

•  Do people actually really dance that much at proms?

• I think it is sweet that they are dancing and I hate that Bella ruins it by wanting Edward to change her into a vampire right in the middle of prom.

• I’m so embarrassed for her, actually at this moment.

• Ew Victoria. I can’t believe they stretch her out as a threat for the next 2 movies/books.

Overall, I would rate this viewing experience a 10/10 because I was very entertained. There are so many problems with this series, but again, I don’t think I will ever be able to distance myself from it. I really believe that it has shaped our current society and generation into what it is. I don’t know how it is possible, but it happened and I am not upset about it in the slightest.

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