During quarantine, I took it upon myself to rewatch many of the shows that were very popular in my teenage years including The Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, and Pretty Little Liars. While I was watching these shows, one thing became crystal clear – there are prime examples of toxic relationships in all three of these shows. Like many others, at the time I had been entranced and in love with these couples but watching it as an adult has put things into perspective.
Since many of us watched these shows at such a young age, we had yet to be exposed to any sort of healthy, loving relationship. Because of this, it was only natural to assume that this toxic kind of love was the one we should aspire to have one day. The romanticization of toxic relationships in these shows allowed many young people to seek out unhealthy relationships. The biggest trope that is constantly shown in these shows is the ‘all consuming love’ and many of us saw this as the only way to be in a relationship, when really it is a toxic mindset. We became far too used to seeing these toxic relationships on screen that we as a society began to normalize these unhealthy behaviors.
Damon & Elena, The Vampire Diaries
Probably one of the more problematic TV couples in the last decade, Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert portrayed an incredibly toxic relationship. As a couple, they constantly brought out the worst in each other, never showed much support in the other’s endeavors, and were completely selfish. But when I first watched this as a 15 year old, I thought the idea of loving someone to the point where you couldn’t breathe without them was romantic and ideal. But through this relationship portrayal, all I see now is that this mindset taught their young viewers that love needs to be driven by dependency.
Blair & Chuck, Gossip Girl
As the most popular couple on the show, Blair and Chuck were romanticized by so many viewers when in reality practically everything about their relationship was unhealthy. Although, I can admit I was a fan of the show all those years ago, it was quite disturbing to re watch this show as this primary relationship was toxic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. If there was ever a couple that normalized and idealized toxic relationships, these two are it. They were constantly breaking up and getting back together, betraying and sabotaging each other, and would even go as far as trying to ruin the other. At one point in the show, Chuck treats his girlfriend as something that can be sold, rather than a human being. Even though the nature of the show was driven by drama, this couple took it WAY too far. Viewers even accepted Chuck, a character who had sexually harassed and assaulted many girls and spinned it to look like a ladies man, rather than a predator. Apart from the obvious unhealthy ways the two would act with each other, the normalization of their toxic relationships allowed young viewers to idealize this concept that you can change someone and that is the definition of love.
Aria & Ezra, Pretty Little Liars
If you know this show, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Let me just say this is one of the most disturbing pairings I had ever seen on television. From the beginning, the Aria and Ezra relationship was mortifying as she was a 16-year old (yes! A MINOR) and he was her high school english teacher. We as an audience were so willing to accept that because they met before he was her teacher and she lied about her age. But the REAL reason we were okay with this relationship was because the show had characters who normalized their relationship. For anyone who wasn’t thinking about it already let me just formally say, it is a crime! The nature of their relationship was severely toxic because Aria had to let go of being a young high schooler in order to sneak around with him. Not to mention that they too constantly were on again and off again. This show was disheartening to watch specifically for this relationship because it romanticized a felony, rather than addressing that what Ezra was doing was manipulative and illegal.
To be completely honest, these are just the three couples that stood out to me as toxic relationships, yet I know there are far more out there. I am aware that the core of teen shows is to make things entertaining for their viewers. However, by romanticizing toxic relationships, these creators are inaccurately defining love to incredibly young viewers. By doing so, it encourages teenagers to seek out abuse and toxic relationships, which is incredibly detrimental and destructive. These writers and producers are in an extremely crucial position, as they have the power to teach their audience a bit about the world around them, and yet these shows created a delusion and sold it as love. For this reason, we as a society have been normalizing these relationships and we are the only ones that can identify them for what they really are which is purely toxic.