Before living on campus for the first time, we all dreamed about the classic college dorm experience. While some people may have the roommate-bestie combo of their dreams, most of us are going to experience at least some minor conflict with roommates.
Here are four tips from my perspective as a resident advisor on how to resolve and minimize disagreements with roommates:
1. Assume misunderstanding, not malice
We all jump to the worst possible conclusions sometimes. However, this mindset will only lead to negative outcomes for you and your roommate(s). They probably are not actively trying to hurt your feelings or make your life more difficult. If you have a problem with them, be polite but direct! It will be helpful to everyone in the long run.
2. Set clear boundaries and expectations
Most conflict arises from lack of communication. If you set clear expectations such as cleaning duties, guests, and sleeping and study hours, you can avoid a lot of the awkwardness that comes with roommate life. Talk to your roommate(s) about what tools you may need to facilitate a healthy living environment, such as a chore chart. Be firm on your boundaries and you’ll thank yourself later!
3. Be realistic about your relationship
Some people are best friends with their roommate(s), which is amazing! However, for most of us that’s not very realistic. Typically the people who you are closest friends with wouldn’t make the best roommates and vice versa. Be realistic about the time you spend with your roommate(s) and the things you do together. Shoot for a friendly relationship with open communication, but don’t feel pressured to be best friends.
4. Your roommate can’t read your mind. COMMUNICATE!
Yes it might feel awkward at first but you will thank yourself after. Try a handy RA strategy: the sandwich. Lead with something positive (“I think your friends are great”) follow it with your concern (“but sometimes you guys are a bit loud when I am trying to study”) and end it positively with a resolution or request (“so it would be great if you could be a little quieter or hang out somewhere else tomorrow, because I have a midterm I really need to prepare for.”) Remember to use “I” statements and be assertive. Communication doesn’t have to be confrontation!
Navigating roommate conflicts can be tricky, but just remember to be firm in your boundaries and communicate to have the most positive roommate experience!