Respect is one of the key fundamentals for any relationship to work. It shows that you and your partner equally admire and care for each other. Respecting one another not only leads to each person in the relationship having their own interests, feelings, and opinions, but it also builds a sense of trust. However, especially in our generation, social media, advanced technology, and other things we sometimes deem “acceptable” can make a relationship take a toxic turn. Relationships do indeed require work and they all have their ups and downs. But if your partner is excessively jealous, constantly starting arguments, trying to change you, blaming you, always wanting power over you, or is just plain manipulative and/or controlling, they do not respect or trust you.
These next three things are suggestions of how you or your partner can show respect, trust, and care for each other – without it coming off as toxic or controlling.
- Think about your actions
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In a relationship, every action is a choice. And sometimes, even though you may not see it, your actions really do affect the other person. It relates so much to that phrase we learned in kindergarten, “treat others how you want to be treated”. For example, let’s say you decide to go to a party without inviting your boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re barely responding, alcohol could be involved, pictures of you and other people get posted on snapchat stories, and you’re just not letting your significant other know what’s going on. All the while your partner is at home. Think about how they probably were feeling and how it could’ve been perceived by them. So many different scenarios and thoughts running through their head all because you didn’t decide to think about how that choice may affect them. In a relationship, you should choose behaviors that show respect. Give your partner a reason to feel safe with you so you can get that same exact feeling of safeness and respect back.
- COMMUNICATE.
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Communication is a core value of maintaining a caring, trustworthy, and respectful relationship. Poor communication is actually the #1 reason couples split up. Communication is not only about being heard, it’s about listening as well. It allows feelings to be both explained and processed. When relationships hit a small bump in the road, you have two choices to smooth things out.
Say something as soon as possible about what exactly is bothering you
Let it go and ignore it
However, waiting can easily lead to resent and regret along with a laundry list of little conflicts. You and/or your partner could feel unseen or unheard. With our generation, I think it’s important to remember just how vital good communication is. Simply talking to one another can be an easy fix for many of the toxic and controlling relationship problems you might be facing. When feelings, problems, or situations that bother someone in a relationship are just ignored, anger, aggressiveness, and constant arguments are typically a result.
Communication allows for kindness and respect to blossom in a relationship as you address incidents that may have hurt your feelings. It even goes beyond what just upset you and helps show your partner how you should be treated the next time. For example, let’s say your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks it okay to be rude to your friends. While he or she may see it as a joke, you nor your friend(s) appreciate it. Simply communicating that this bothers you would show your partner your feelings, allowing them to listen and learn how to treat your friends moving forward.
- Remember, you don’t always need to be attached at the hip
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While everyone’s preferred amount of time that they like to spend with their partner is different, don’t forget that time spent apart is healthy for a relationship, too. Respect the fact that your partner may have different interests, tastes, friends, and preferences that they may want to spend time with on their own. Relationships make life so exciting and fun, so who doesn’t like spending time with their partner?! However, there is a line between spending time and spending TOO MUCH time. Toxicity can develop when too much time is spent together. For example, becoming so codependent on your partner that you can’t do anything without them, not spending time with your family, cutting out close friends and/or never making time for everyone else, and not being able to make time for yourself or for your own needs and interests. No relationship has a perfect formula for the amount of time you should be spending with your partner. I do know that the answer to that equation should always equal a healthy, happy relationship that leaves room for you to have a healthy and happy relationship with yourself and with your friends, too.