The 25 Best Songs from ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ (in my humble opinion)

Arguably one of the best and most innovative television shows of the past decade, The CW’s ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ has come to a close, with the series finale having aired last Friday. With over 150 songs over the course of four seasons, it’s almost impossible to pick out the best songs from the series, nonetheless rank them. But I absolutely love this genius show and Rachel Bloom so here’s me trying (and somewhat failing) to rank what I think are the 25 best songs from the series, including a few honorable mentions.

 

Warning: This article contains spoilers for the series finale!

 

  1. 1. “Settle For Me”

    Best moment: “Let’s pretend I didn’t say that…” and “If he’s your broken condom I’m Plan B!”

    This might be #controversial, but I feel like my love for Santino Fontana was quite clear during the rest of the article. This song is by far my most listened to from the entire series (and the most listened to on Spotify, no tea no shade) and is a flawless parody of old time Hollywood Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Also, the costumes are amazing, especially the “ooh so twirly!” moment because that would be me. The song starts out all sweet, but quickly gets more self deprecating and crude and has a few absolutely golden one-liners. I love this song so much that it’s hard to even describe why. Just watch it and swoon over Santino Fontana’s beautiful voice and grumpy face.

  2. 2. “JAP Battle”

    Best moment: “So it’s settled then, we’re both cool with black people!” “Speaking of which are you AP graded? Cause these days you look a bit heavily weighted”

    How do I even… My love for this song goes deeper than Audra and Rebecca’s hatred for one another. I listen to this song very regularly and am lowkey hoping to play Audra Levine in the Broadway version of the series. Everything about it is spectacular. The lyrics, the sick rhymes, the beat, and especially the reactions of each of their ‘crews’ in the background (rewatch it and just look at Josh the whole time it’s hilarious) literally could not be more perfect. The reprise deserved better, but the OG will forever have a place in my heart.

     

  3. 3. “Let’s Generalize About Men”

    Best moment: “Your sons are gonna be rapists!”

    Are you surprised? I feel like this is in everyone’s top five, but you can’t deny that it’s one of the best songs they’ve ever written. In the wise words of Rachel Bloom, the song is feminist and anti-feminist at the same time. The costumes are brilliant, the lyrics are perfectly ironic, and the overall 80s girl power vibe could not be more accurate.

     

  4. 4. “Strip Away My Conscience”

    Best moment: “Let me be your pupil let me choke on your cocksuredness - innuenDOOOO” followed by a perfect key change

    Oh boy. This song is absolutely spectacular. Rachel Bloom’s performance is Tony worthy, her vocals are on fire, and the Fosse inspired choreography is a perfect fit for the Chicago tribute. I regularly bop to this song in the car. It has so many clever moments and it’s nice to see Rebecca in charge and with a little bit of confidence! Also, thongs are very uncomfortable (honorary best moment: “that was just up my butt”).

  5. 5. “We Tapped That Ass”

    Best moment: “And then we hit the back patio. That’s when we hit your back pati-OOOOOH”

    This song has everything you could want from the show. Crude jokes, a catchy tune, tap dancing, and a giant butt prop. Another one of my favorite movies is Singin’ In the Rain and this song cheekily pokes fun at “Moses Supposes” (perhaps my favorite number in the film) through choreography and the style of music. This song is absolutely hilarious and never fails to make me laugh (and again wish I could tap dance). I literally don’t know how they got this song past Standards and Practices but I sure am glad that they did.

     

  6. 6. “Face Your Fears”

    Best moment: “If a bear runs at you in the woods, don’t run away. Look him deep in his eyes put your hand on its chest and say BEAR I’M NOT AFRAID!”

    DONNA LYNNE!! THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY! Ugh, her mind. This woman is a literal goddess and it amazes me that this song is in one of the first few episodes. With three, yes three, separate key changes, a children’s chorus, giant scissors, and glorious riffs, this song is weirdly unappreciated. Donna’s voice is literally incredible and makes me inspired and depressed at the same time (much like the lyrics of this song!). It introduces the theme of Paula always wanting to help Rebecca, but maybe not always in the best way while also being a legendary bop.

     

  7. 7. “You Stupid Bitch”

    Best moment: “Sing with me! Yes, I deserve this!” and “poopy little slut” and the key change

    Definitely the strongest ballad of the series, ‘You Stupid Bitch’ is the epitome of Rebecca’s self hatred and struggle with BPD that holds true until the last episode. It’s funny and heartbreaking and relatable at the same time, and is great to scream sing in the car. I kind of slept on this song for a while, but when watching it at the concert and hearing how excited the audience got when Rachel started singing it, I was hooked. The song is definitely central to Rebecca’s character, and I think we’ve all had many moments like this where we wish we were singing trash about ourselves in a sparkly gown.

     

  8. 8. “Love’s Not a Game”

    Best moment: Donna Lynne slaying us all with her incredible tap skills

    WHY DID THEY WAIT THIS LONG TO GIVE WHITE JOSH A SONG?! I didn’t think there would be such an AMAZING song this far into the show. It totally took me by surprise. Everything about this song is flawless. David Hull’s vocals, the choreography, the Guys and Dolls references, AN APPEARANCE BY FATHER BRAH? IS THERE ANYTHING THIS SONG DOESN’T HAVE? It might be my favorite group number (and the very last) of the series.

     

  9. 9. “It Was a Shit Show”

    Best moment: “A play about pieces of feces is what we are together”

    Ugh, Santino Fontana. I miss that man so much. Even though I like Skylar Astin, Santino’s Greg is just the best. This song is absolutely soul crushing, and I really wanted Greg and Rebecca to end up together in the finale. Their relationship was a total disaster, but Greg was the underdog we were all rooting for, and it was really sad to see him leave the show way back in season 2. However, his song is a perfect parting gift from Santino with his golden pipes.

     

  10. 10. “We’ll Never Have Problems Again”

    Best Moment: Literally all of it

    My favorite costumes in the entire series are the ones in this song. So much so that my best friend sewed them from scratch for us to wear to the live taping of the finale (yes we went to that it was amazing. I might write another article about it). The blissful ignorance of this song coupled with the super groovy soul train vibes earned it a spot in my top ten.

     

  11. 11. “Eleven O’Clock”

    Best moment: “In case you can’t tell time, it’s still eleven o’clock”

    This song is exactly what needed to happen during the series finale. Rebecca revisits all of her ‘songs’ in her abstract theater space in her brain, satisfying the fans and coming to terms with her lack of identity. The use of old costumes and songs was brilliant and bittersweet, and made me realize that the show was actually ending. (I had this song at 12 originally but I had to put it at 11 for obvious reasons)

     

  12. 12. “Antidepressants Are So Not a Big Deal”

    Best moment: The tap combo, also “Our lawyers won’t let us say brand names!”

    I’m a total La La Land hoe, so I was SO excited when they did a tribute to one of the most overhyped musicals of all time. There are so many incredible lines and jokes within the song, my favorite being when Rebecca takes the tap shoes out of a giant pill bottle. This song also normalizes mental health and medication which is AWESOME, and it makes me sad that I can’t tap dance.

  13. 13. “I’m the Villain in My Own Story”

    Best moment: “What do you want to do with me you evil witch queen? I am but a humble yoga instructor”

    I think we all have this moment at some point where we ask ourselves if we’re the ‘bad guy’ in our lives. This song is relatable, theatrical, and ridunkulously entertaining. It showcases the incredible talent of the songwriters and Rachel Bloom’s weirdly good witch voice. I love this song because it encapsulates the humor and range of the show, and is quite impressive production wise. You can tell how much effort they put into it through the score, lyrics, costumes, and makeup.

     

  14. 14. “Friendtopia”

    Best moment: “Valencia, the sexy one. Czar of torture!”

    I feel weird putting this song so high on my list but I just love it! It’s so funny and weirdly dark which is exactly my kind of humor, and the Spice Girls parody is exactly what the ‘girl squad’ needed. There’s just something about this song that makes me so happy!

     

  15. 15. “Sexy French Depression”

    Best moment: “Oui, je suis garbage” and “My bed smells like a tampon”

    This song is somewhat of a departure from others within the show, and it flawlessly encompasses and parodies French film and music. The idea of the French always being depressed but in a sexy way is somewhat true, and this song does a great job at poking fun at this stereotype. There’s also hilarious one liners, and Rachel Bloom does a pretty good job at speaking French! This is definitely one of my most listened to songs from the series, because it makes me laugh at myself when I’m feeling like I too am in a sexy French depression.

     

  16. 16. “Love Kernels”

    Best moment: “Darryl is now played by a broom”

    This Lemonade tribute is everything. The visuals are stunning, the costumes are fantastic, and it literally ate all of their production budget (and for a good reason!). Do I wish they also did a Lemonade Mouth tribute? Yes. But I do love Beyonce, so I was satisfied.

  17. 17. “First Penis I Saw”

    Best moment: “Hide the turntable!”

    Definitely one of the funniest songs in the entire series, First Penis is an incredible ABBA tribute and is the perfect amount of uncomfortable. My best friend says it’s one of her favorite songs, and would kill me if I didn’t put it on the list. This catchy tune will definitely be stuck in your head for days after listening to it, and you may find yourself using eggplants as microphones the next time you’re at the grocery store. Even though I love this song, let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t watch this with my mom.

     

  18. 18. “West Covina”

    Best moment: “Also by coincidence so random just by chance (CLAP CLAP)”

    This song probably got all of us hooked on the show when we first watched it. The visual gags, giant pretzels, and romanticization of Southern California is a perfect introduction to Rebecca Bunch’s mind. It could not have done a better job at establishing character, plot, and setting for the rest of the series.

     

  19. 19. “Math of Love Triangles”

    Best moment: “Are you erect?” (No, 90 degrees) “That’s really erect!"

    I feel kind of defensive about this song just because Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is one of my favorite movies, and ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend’ is one of the most iconic songs of all time. However, this song is hilarious (though it does go on a bit long) and Rachel Bloom’s delivery and squeaky Marilyn Monroe voice during the number makes it a smash (teehee). It’s a little bit low on my list, but I still really like it. My only issue with the song is I wish that Rachel sang more of it instead of the chorus of math nerds, just because her character during the number is outstanding.

  20. 20. "Don't Be a Lawyer"

    Best moment: The 90s dance moves and the colorful suits

    I honestly didn’t love this song for a while but after seeing it in so many peoples’ Top 5’s on Twitter, I gave it another try and now I really like it! I love the throwback R&B style and the super cynical lyrics, also the choreography is insanely good. This is definitely one of the songs that you need to watch, not just listen to.

     

  21. 21. “No One Else is Singing My Song”

    Best moment: “But that’s impossible… IMPOSSIBLE…. IMPOSSIBLE...”

    The hilarious self awareness of this song makes it a total stand out, especially when the ENTIRE CAST comes on and joins Rebecca, Josh, and Nathaniel (even though it’s impossible). While the song’s running gag is that everyone thinks they’re alone when everyone else is feeling the same way, it makes the song much more heartfelt and relatable.

     

  22. 22. “After Everything I’ve Done for You (That You Didn’t Ask For)”

    Best moment: “I created you, you lived in my womb - I mean figuratively”

    Paula is definitely one of the best characters in the series, and I LOVED when she finally got her diva moment and wowed us with this banger. This homage to Gypsy is brilliant, badass, and a total mic-drop moment.

     

  23. 23. “I’m Just a Girl in Love”

    Best moment: BLAM!

    The season 2 opener is by far the BEST of the entire series. It’s adorable and catchy but also kind of dark, just like the rest of the show! This is one of my favorite costumes in the show and the cutesy style of song and dance is a perfect representation of the romantic fantasy Rebecca is living in during season 2.

     

  24. 24. “I Go to the Zoo”

    Best moment: Tie between “I look at the monkeys, their eyes look like my eyes” and “it’s like a zoo for fishies”

    The introduction to a douchey Nathaniel that seems like a total stranger now, I Go to the Zoo is an undeniable bop. Spoiler Alert: At the end of the series, Nathaniel works at a zoo and finds happiness! We love that lil’ softie.

     

  25. 25. “(Tell Me I’m Okay) Patrick”

    Best moment: When the box plays the piano

    This is maybe one of the most slept on songs from the series. Rebecca’s emotional breakdown coupled with the sad sweet face of Seth Green makes this song hilarious and heartfelt at the same time.

     

Honorable Mentions:

- “What’s Your Story”

    Best moment: “RRATATA, RRATATA!”

 

- “Gettin’ Bi”

    Best moment: “It doesn’t take an intellectual to get that I’m bisexual!”

 

- “Period Sex”

    Best moment: “Think of it as just Mother Nature’s juice cleanse”

 

- “Remember That We Suffered” (because Patti LuPone, duh)

    Best moment: Literally everything Patti LuPone does

 

- “Where’s the Bathroom”

    Best moment: “Are you sure that you’re not gay? I’d still love you if you were gay...please just tell me if you’re gay!” “I’M NOT GAY!”

 

- “We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now”

    Best moment: “It’s like in movies when robbers do one last heist ‘cause tonight will be our last sex heist”