#ThatAwkwardMoment: Church Sanctioned Couples Counseling

I started dating my high school boyfriend, (let’s call him James) at the beginning of my second semester of senior year. He lived in the town over from me, so like most modern couples, we met on Facebook. Embarrassed,  I told all my friends we met at the gym. I mean seeing him there a few times before we actually met counts, right? Regardless, after a few weeks of “talking”, we made it official. 

James had a lot of great qualities. He was sweet, had a job and was a little bit country, which I liked at the time. He was also a devout Catholic, who went to church every Sunday and bible study during the week. Being raised Irish Catholic, my family was more of the only go to church on Christmas and Easter type of people. I  did actually teach CCD in high school, but mostly for the social aspect of getting to do it with my 3 best friends and other people from our school. Honestly, I’m more spiritual than religious. I live my life by being a good person and believing in God but not frequently practicing my religion. 

After prom season and graduation had passed, come summer time we were still dating. James had asked me to go on a youth retreat with the members of his church. I thought I was signing up for a small little weekend away, but I was very mistaken. He had invited me to one of the largest regional Catholic youth conferences in the country. I would literally be with thousands of catholic teens and their parent chaperones all weekend. It all seemed a little overwhelming. While I was a little hesitant to go, I agreed. But there was a catch. 

James explained that we had to go to a meeting in order for us to on the trip together. Fair enough, I could sit through a meeting. On the way there I was preparing for an informational meeting about the retreat followed by a few guidelines we had to follow. Things like no girls in the guy’s bunks, no cell phones, etc. We walked into a church and were greeted by a priest who leads us to a conference room where I assumed the others to be waiting. It was empty. My boyfriend’s church had sent us to parochial couple’s counseling.

When we sat down, the priest started asking us all of these questions about our relationship. I think I was still in shock and giving my boyfriend MAJOR side eye for not being very transparent about this “meeting”.  The questions started out harmless, “How did you meet?” “How long have you been dating?” “Do you see a future together?”, to name a few. I started to feel relieved hoping he wouldn’t ask us whether or not we were intimate, which we were.

However, my relief quickly went away when he started talking about the concept of celibacy and pre-marital sex. My face turned 50 shades of red, and I started squirming in my seat. It was humiliating. At 18 years old, being lectured about how premarital sex is a sin, and abstinence is the only way to be in a “safe and healthy” relationship, is the last way I wanted to spend my Saturday. Now, I’m not saying that people who do choose to do this are wrong or weird, it’s just not for me. I lost my virginity at 16 years old. Therefore, this speech isn’t suddenly going to make me a born again virgin. Sex and intimacy are really major parts of a relationship, and that is important to me. 

Then the priest popped in a video.  A few parents talked about why not having sex is the right decision to make. A few cookie cutter “goody goody” type teens talked about why they were waiting. It was excruciating. James’ mom bought him condoms, so clearly this whole abstinence thing wasn’t even on her radar. 

All in all, the “meeting” lasted three hours.  When I was finally was home free and out of the situation, I had a good laugh about it. I couldn’t believe I just sat through a couples counseling. We went on the retreat, and while it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, it wasn’t for me. James and I broke up a few weeks later, and outside of the gym no less. Apparently, he had a “spiritual” revelation that we weren’t meant to be, and he had only dated me because all of his friends thought I was hot. Nice, right? Alls well that ends well, this experience made for a great story.