I do not claim to be good at many things: I am an official lightweight after three skittle bombs in Wetherspoons, I’m scared if a pigeon crosses my path in the street, and I cannot down a dirty pint to save my life. However, there is one thing I have managed to do which humankind has struggled with for years: I am still friends with my Ex.
We know how some relationships end. “It’s not you it’s me”, “I just don’t want a relationship right now” and then the inevitable “I hope we can still be friends” but who can say they actually do? Whether you’re on the receiving end of this or are the one doing the dumping, it is usually followed by a fortnight of getting ridiculously drunk , crying in the toilets at the end of the night then sending the inevitable drunken texts about missing each other. After this stage comes acceptance (sometimes with a friends with benefits stage in the middle, but do try not to go down this route) and if you have ended on amicable terms, now’s the time to try and become friends. But can it work, or will one of you inevitably still feel something?
There are no set rules; if your ex cheated then he may not deserve your friendship in the first place and if you’re only trying to be friends to get him back then this can end in heartache too. But I have managed it and now regularly spend Saturday nights in Bar Risa with my group of friends, including both my current and ex boyfriend. But how did I do it?
I first met *Simon at the age of 15 and after many flirty chats over msn he asked me out. We spent a month in one of those relationships where you talk less in person than you did before and use texting to communicate. After a month he finished with me and we went our separate ways, but a further 6 months later I found myself back together with him. It started as a very typical high school romance at first but after a few months together I was completely besotted and he quickly became my first love. We also hung around in a big friendship group meaning we got to spend even more time with each other. Breaking up with him still remains one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. After around fifteen months together I decided it wasn’t working; he was funny, kind and loving but something just didn’t feel right and to this day I still can’t quite put my finger on what it was.
Being heartbroken it would have been much easier to not see him, but attending the same 6th form and hanging around with the same people meant we had to spend time with each other. I spent many a night after a drunken 18th crying in the shower after I’d watched him getting with another girl. This is the part a lot of exes struggle with, and can often mean being friends is just not possible. But keeping it to myself meant I could keep up the façade that everything was ok and after a while it actually was. I also dropped a text every now and then asking how he was, or what his family was getting up to. Admittedly, I’m painting this a lot prettier than it actually was and there were also arguments, tears and many angry texts, but we both had a tolerance with each other. I believe if you really want to be friends, you have to ignore all the anger and hurt and finger pointing and just get on with it. It’s two years on and I’ve been in a long term relationship since. My current and my ex weren’t best friends at first, but I now get the pleasure of watching them buy each other drink in a night club and swap contacts for work. Many new boyfriends may also have a problem with an ex but I made it clear from the start that I no longer had feelings for him, we were friends and that was not going to change. Everyone knows where they stand that way.
I’m also not the only one to achieve this – many famous celebrities have still managed to stay friends:
It isn’t possible to give advice to everyone, each relationship is different and some people simply won’t be able to get to a point of friendship, but if you can, it can be one of the most rewarding things to come from your past relationship.