Relationships: Changing Paths

Meant to be?

Who of us takes charge of their own destiny, ignores the ever-questionable force that is fate and creates a new determinable end to their story? I know I do not. I have always held the firm belief that our paths are set in stone, influenced by the changing luck in the world around us; that if two people are meant to be then somehow they will find each other. But things do not just happen; we affect their outcomes. Recently, events have occurred that have made me review the concepts that had formed my lifestyle choices.

A research questionnaire called the locus of control scale showed the amount of personal control that people believe they have over life events. The results divided people into those who have an internal locus of control and those with an external locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control believe that it is their own decisions and actions that shape the course of their life. So this means that how attracted someone is to me depends on something I have done, perhaps ignoring or chasing him up on the phone. If I had an external locus of control, I would believe that his levels of attraction varied because of things other than me; there was someone better who walked past at exactly the wrong second or that you happened to meet at a time in your lives that was incompatible. This shows happenings are determined by luck and other external factors. With an internal locus of control, we are able to exert independence in our lives and make a difference to the way events may play out.

The amount of revision done for an exam affects your grades, not the harsh questions. It is not the lack of a condom that produces a pregnancy but the lust you thought would be thicker than latex. And if you are not with the person you love, or love the person you are with, then it is you who has the power to take the relationship in another direction.

A girl and a boy I know have been together for four years. Though they love each other, they had recently decided to take time apart as something was interfering with the fluidity of their relationship. She initially thought it was bad luck that was putting them down, but she realised that they both needed to work on separate internal issues. So, in order to reunite, some factor had to change and it was how each of the individuals decided to exert independence in the time apart. But they wanted to be back together, and if you really think he is the one, then nothing should be able to affect your relationship. Now they have acknowledged their problems and are trying to tackle them together. They have begun to take control over the negativity so now they can be stronger people. It is possible that they will be able to rebuild a healthier relationship that may actually stand a chance.

A different couple I know split up a while back, and during the break they each tried to move on with their lives. They attempted to fix things a few months later but the time apart had become an argumentative topic and was interfering with the make-up process. Then the day came when it got too much and she walked out. She could have stayed with him, the way she had gone back to him so many times before the big break. However, their problems were too immense for her to stay in this just because she still had feelings for him. They both knew they did not work together and that they were the problem. Her strong internal locus of control prevented her from repeating her past mistakes and allowed her to truly move on with her life.

Having a strong internal locus of control does not always mean that the outcome is the one you wanted, but it means that you can understand why events happen and that you had the power to alter their path. University provides the perfect opportunity to discover your internal locus of control. As students, we have the chance to become as independent as the very word defines us. How we work, how we play, everything we do in these few years is representation of not just how the world views us but how we view ourselves. No one but you can affect the outcome of life. We are the leaders of our own destiny and it is time for each of us to discover our own internal locus of control and shape the future of our lives.