Realising it’s actually over
Whether you are the dumper, or (in my case) the dumpee. That moment when you’re sitting alone and reach to text said ex and realise you can’t. Having to inform all your friends that it’s over, and painstakingly having to repeat every last word from “the talk”. There’s no denying that this first stage comes at a shock.
Then comes the waterworks. I’m the sort who hates to cry and admit when there’s something really wrong. But when it comes to something like this, holding in your emotions is the worst. If you need to cry, then get it all out (do so in the shower if you really don’t want people to hear you). You have to take time to yourself to process it, but don’t let yourself sit alone all the time. After all, boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but your friends and family will always be there. Surround yourself with people who you know can distract you and cheer you up.
After you’ve drained your insides of tears, you might begin to deny the whole thing. “He/ She’ll come back to me”, “We weren’t official anyway so is it really a breakup?”, and generally just ignoring it ever happened. Restarting communication with he-who-should-not-be-named is risky and slipping into old habits won’t help the moving on process. But we live and we learn, and who knows they might be finding it just as hard. But if a relationship is over and there’s no hope, it’s really best to cut all ties, being friends again a week after you’ve been dumped isn’t likely, so take some time out, focus on yourself and who knows, exes can be friends… right?
I honestly thought the phrase, “it’s not you, it’s me” in a break up was strictly confined to Hollywood rom-coms, but alas, this shocker was used in my “talk”. For my case, it really was him, and nothing I could control. But it’s so easy to then think of every tiny thing you could have done or not done, going over a new series of events in your head which would see you currently still together. But I am a strict believer in “everything happens for a reason”. Telling myself that now makes me want to punch myself admittedly, but deep down I know it’s true. Hopefully it was done for the future interests of one partner. If not, still don’t blame yourself. It’s their loss anyway, trust me.
Eating your feelings
When I sent the “he’s ended it” text to my girls at Uni, the first thing they did is stock up on goodies so I could pretend that Pringles and chocolate gave me the same happiness that a boyfriend could (chocolate will never break your heart, though). The “I’ve got no one to impress now, so I may as well just eat this whole bag of milky buttons/ crisps/ Tangfastics to myself, who cares anyway?” stage is just fab.
The sadness stage is over, and you’re just mad. Mad at him/ her for dumping you, mad at the lame excuse they gave, and mad that you perhaps wasted your time. (You also may be mad that you did eat all those crisps, but that only takes a few trips to the gym, it’s all good). If you need to shout, shout. Slam a few doors; throw a few things (not at people though) and just vent if you need to.
Hating all boys
Once one boy hurts you, it’s natural to just give up on every member of the male species. They’re basically all the same anyway. Even your male friends don’t get it (well none of mine do). So I’m taking a break from boys, time to focus on moi and live a little.
Turning to alcohol to drown your sorrows
Who needs a boyfriend (or girlfriend) when I can get a bottle of vodka for a tenner? Vodka will never make me cry (unless you’re a drunk crier, which admittedly I am… but we’ll ignore that), vodka makes me an amazing dancer, and I miss spending the aftermath of a night at Fruity with my housemates (who will nearly always order me a Dominos), instead of “him”.
Getting that hot bod to make him regret ever ending it
All that chocolate and alcohol probably hasn’t helped the six pack (or lack of). They say exercise releases the same endorphins as sex, so let’s got for it! I’ll upload a few photos of me looking good, and he’ll definitely regret ever dumping me. Well that’s the theory, I’m still yet to join a gym, but it will come, don’t you worry. I’m allowed to be sad for now anyway, cant rush anything… right?
Getting over him by getting under someone else
Ah, the rebound. Now I’m (sort of) past the being sad stage, I’m back in the game. Not ready for anything serious, what’s wrong with a little flirting, and just enjoying myself? “I’m young, sassy and single, and I can do what I want!” I tell myself as I strut into the club looking for the fitties. As ashamed as I am to admit I say this still, YOLO.
Realising it could always be worse
A breakup is awful, but you’re still healthy and you’ve got friends and family around you. So while it’s hard to process losing someone, there’s still plenty to be happy about. Remembering the good stuff can hurt, but you can’t just forget. Try to focus on what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown from the experience. (This is difficult and probably takes longer than expected but it will come). Make a “things to feel good about” list, and refer to it whenever you’re feeling down, it really helps.
(Unless you did get herpes, then you might want to sort that first).
Knowing that your friends will always have your back
As mentioned, friends and family will always be there.
If you love Pitch Perfect as much as I do, you’ll be as excited that there’s a sequel coming out! Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY-u5P9pRwA&list=UUi8e0iOVk1fEOogdfu4YgfA