Do you know what I hate? Boys. Passionately hate. I want a simple life, boys make it complicated. Something about having a Y chromosome makes you an absolute moron. At some age you’re going to have to understand that being a LAD does not make you cool, that staring at my boobs isn’t going to make me take my shirt off and under no circumstances am I going to go near you when you’ve made your way around half of my home town (unprotected, may I add).
When faced with the potential of having a decent girlfriend in your life who isn’t actually going to screw you over, at what point do you decide that it’s a perfectly good idea to screw her over? Don’t get anyone else pregnant, don’t get with any of my friends, don’t upload a photo onto Facebook of you having sex with someone else, don’t get drunk and kiss 8 girls in one night, and ultimately, don’t suggest a relationship if you know fine well that’s not what you want.
You all know who you are.
And the excuses I’ve been given? I’ve heard them all. The “not ready for a girlfriend”, the “you’re too good for me”, “you can do better” and then “you’re too nice”. Let’s get one thing straight, I’m not too nice. You want to hear the nicknames I give you behind your back after you’ve been the worst version of yourself. Hi to my ex-boyfriend Shadow, you really did not stand a chance after you waited for me outside the girl’s toilets. Hi to the guy who didn’t spell “where” correctly to a student studying English as part of her degree, “ware” was unforgivable.
All I’m suggesting is to be honest. Tell her if you don’t want a relationship straight away and you just want to have sex; I’m sure there’s some girl out there suffering from a broken dildo that might go for it. Tell her if you think you have different interests and that’s why it isn’t going to work out between you both (especially if your interests are banging her best friend). Eventually, your LADish lifestyle will get old and you’ll feel the responsibility that the “too nice” girl now has trust issues, a complex and has a house of cats.