Basically, I don’t date.
It’s a rule I very rarely break. Dating is just too relationship-orientated, and when you’d rather rub your face against a cheese grater than consider the prospect of a boyfriend, dating is really a no-go area. Take going to the cinema for example, what if he talks through the film? What if he tries to eat my popcorn? What if he likes chick flicks?! I’m not suggesting this is aimed at the guy I was dating in January (it is) but Les Mis is the type of film I would rather claw my eyes out than see, it is not “my type of film” as you so kindly suggested.
It has nothing to do with my ex getting a new hot girlfriend (it does) and I’m definitely not rebounding (I am) but basically, I broke my rule in 2013, and I started dating.
It’s not going successfully.
Guy #1 *Ethan
Dating Ethan was a bit like when you’re in the chocolate aisle of Sainsburys, and you’re stuck for choice. In a crazy epiphany you chose the Snicker. At first, all the anticipation is nerve-racking because maybe you haven’t had chocolate in a while, but then ripping off the wrapper and coming face to face with the Snicker, it’s just disappointing. It’s smaller than you remember. You can close your eyes and devour the Snicker, but you’re wishing it was the Kitkat chunky.
It was worse when Ethan thought he was getting melons in Sainsburys, and ended up with fried eggs.
*His name’s not Ethan. Hiya Mark, this is just a coincidence this all sounds like you.
Guy #2 *Gary
Imagine this conversation:
Gary: “Do you go swimming?”
Me: “I used to go swimming everyday back home, but in Leeds I just go running”
Gary: “You have a swimming pool at your house? That’s amazing!”
Me: “Um, yeah…”
It’s time to maybe confess to you that I do not have a swimming pool in my house, as I have led you to believe. Also for future information, of all the things a girl could gag on, your tongue shouldn’t be one of them. Especially in an empty Terrace bar.
*I’m sorry I renamed you Gary. I’m even more sorry I’ve got no idea how to pronounce your name.
If all else fails, it’s been an interesting few months to 2013.
Anonymous
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