‘Long-distance relationship’ – those three words most couples would hate to be labelled with. It’s true that trying to make a relationship work over hundreds or thousands of miles is hard; I should know – I’ve had experiences of being in different cities and different countries, but what about that old line: ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? For years and years couples have had to survive being apart, be it due to work commitments, being in the army, or a holiday romance. If you think of all the women who stayed at home while their loved ones went away to fight in the war, long-distance couples have it quite easy nowadays. As my year abroad comes to a close so does my time with a long-distance relationship. Personally I would never ever want to do it again! There are countless ups and downs and you both have to make such a huge effort to keep your relationship going, which is hard if you’re used to spending so much time together at home. This past year has taught me some key factors to coping in a long-distance relationship, which I think can benefit any couple and keep the spark alive.
Here are my top tips for surviving long-distance relationships…
1. COMMUNICATE. This has got to be the most important tip of all, not only for long-distance relationships, but in every relationship. Communication is key for a successful relationship, don’t be afraid to say how you’re feeling and talk about things. For long-distances, this is obviously made harder by being so far apart but there are so many sources to use that can link you from opposite sides of the world. Skype and FaceTime are great for having face-to-face conversations; it can make you feel 10 times better just by seeing your other half’s face. They’re free and easy to use and allow you to have a proper conversation. Whatsapp is another great app available on all smartphones, it’s free to download and use (when you have wifi or internet abroad) and is a brilliant alternative to texting.
2. BE UNDERSTANDING. Whether it’s you or your partner who is away from home, understand that things could change very quickly. As I was in a new environment, my daily routine and life changed immensely from that at home. I was out getting to know new people, discovering the new city I was in and going to classes at a foreign university. Add in the time difference and our routines completely clashed, making it much harder to keep in contact. You have to understand that the reason keeping you apart is an opportunity for either one of you and that you have to adapt to suit each other’s lives. I’d suggest making a specific time or day when you can call each other which fits in with both parties, that way you never miss out on that quality time.
3. BE SPONTANEOUS. This works for both long-distance and non long-distance relationships. Booking a flight, coach or train and surprising your other half could be just what’s needed when things seem hard. Even though it’s easy to keep in touch sometimes all you need is to actually see each other and spend time together. Money allowing, this would be a really nice gesture for your loved one! Another thing you could do is write a letter or send a parcel. It may seem old fashioned and boring, but hand writing all your thoughts and feelings to your boyfriend or girlfriend would show them that you’re thinking of them. And I bet they’ll have never received anything like it before! Think of all the love letters that were sent during the war, telling of how much they missed each other and declaring their love. It’s so romantic and something your partner can keep forever.
4. FORGIVE. Arguments are bound to happen, especially being so far away from each other and it’s hard to sort out over texts. As well as understanding each other’s problems (see number 2), think whether it is even worth arguing about. Most of the time it’s not. Arguing when in a long-distance relationship can escalate into something more than it usually would be. That laid-back nature you found cute when you were together now really annoys you when you’ve been waiting for a Skype call for 3 hours. It’s the little things that appear to be huge problems just because you can’t discuss it or resolve it in the way you normally would. Put things into perspective and ask yourself if you really want to argue with the one person you can’t wait to see? It might be hard, but just forgive and forget and enjoy the times you can talk and see each other (albeit through a webcam) rather than spending it arguing.
5. TRUST. This again goes for any relationship, but is especially important for long-distance relationships when you can’t see each other all the time or be actively involved in each other’s lives. You need to trust each other and remember that you’ve both chosen to stay together whilst physically being apart. Trusting each other being in new places with new people while you’re not there might be difficult at first, but just remember you want your other half to be happy and enjoy their life whether they’re in a new city or country.
6. SUPPORT. Again this is key for any relationship but is very important whilst doing long-distance. It’s easy to be jealous of your boyfriend/girlfriend being in a new environment, or to be resentful towards them for forcing you to be apart. However, you have to be supportive of the decisions made and of your partner. This could be a great opportunity and you should want the best for them. If you are the one in the new place, be supportive of your partner back at home! They will need just as much support adjusting to a life without you and having to adapt their life to keep the relationship going.
7. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. For me, my time away was temporary (9 months is a hell of a long time, but still temporary) and I always remembered that time apart wasn’t forever. Keeping your mind on the positives can really help on a down day. Whether it’s looking forward to the end-date (a lot of long-distance relationships are only for a temporary time) or to the next time you’ll see each other, having a focus can really help your relationship. If there’s still a long way to go, focus on positive things in each of your lives (for me it was living in a new country with amazing weather) and don’t dwell on the fact that you’re apart. It might also benefit your relationship by spending time apart and discovering who you are and becoming stronger and more independent.
I’ve found that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Despite that you will both need to work at your relationship while apart, it should all be worth it in the end, when you’re reunited again!
Image sources: