When I was younger, Peter Pan was my favourite film. I don’t know about anyone else, but the idea of staying young forever, splashing about with mermaids and flying around an island using fairy dust seemed the perfect lifestyle for me. I took this concept even further by declaring to my Mum that I would never ever wear makeup and I insisted on wearing vests until the age of eleven.
However, (luckily) with the pressure of high school, I was forced to miss out the crop top stage and go straight on to bras and before I knew it, a sneaky lick of mascara was on my lashes and a touch of lip gloss was on my lips. I had done what Peter Pan had vowed never to do: I had started to grow up.
Now, at the age of twenty one, in my final year at University, many of my friends have proper full time jobs, are getting engaged, owning property or even having babies! Not only have I grown up, I’m getting old! Peter Pan would be disgusted!
Now I think I saw this coming, it all started in Freshers’ Week last year. We’d got our dresses and lashes on and had queued up for about an hour outside the club Mint. However, when we finally got in the club I felt squashed to the point of claustrophobia. I also couldn’t help noticing the place was filled with hundreds of eighteen year olds who couldn’t handle their jagerbombs. Now I’m a twenty one year old that can’t handle her drink either, but that’s beside the point. After about an hour my feet hurt, I was sober as a judge and I was beginning to take advice from song lyrics, “you should go hard or you should go home”. So, ten minutes later I found myself sat in Chicken Cottage with some cheeky nuggets and my body aching for bed, and all before 1:30am. This year was even worse; I didn’t even participate in Freshers’, choosing to do a week’s work experience instead, which has therefore led me to the inevitable conclusion: I AM OLD!
Now I’m sure I can’t be the only person feeling this way; so for those freshers who have just moved out, or for the third years who are getting boring, and for everyone in between, here are some simple anti ageing remedies and rules not for your skin…but for your personality!
Rule 1:
It is not acceptable to leave a club before 2am. You may have a 9am lecture the following morning, or your feet may be in agony, but it is simply unacceptable. You will stay until the dance floor starts thinning out or the lights come on!
Rule 2:
Opting out of a drinking game because “you think you’ve had enough” is not an excuse. Down it Fresher!
Rule 3:
Don’t ever use the phrase “when I was your age”. You are not the same age as your Auntie Mable so these words should never leave your lips!
Rule 4:
Never comment on another girl’s choice of outfit, “that skirt’s way too short, you can see her bum cheeks”. We’re probably only jealous as they haven’t yet started accumulating a bit of cellulite on their thighs. If their outfit is really unacceptably skimpy they will get their own comeuppance in the form of a soul destroying cold/flu, therefore you do not need to comment.
Rule 5:
You are not allowed to decline an invitation to go out on a Saturday night because you’d rather stay in and watch Xfactor and Strictly – have you ever heard of Sky Plus or iplayer?! Now go change out of your pyjamas immediately!
Rule 6:
Un-following people like Jessie J and Will.I.Am from your twitter feed because they are “doing your head in” and replacing them with more respectable celebs like Stephen Fry is not allowed. If everyone else has to scroll down tweet after tweet about the contestants on ‘The Voice’ then so do you.
Rule 7:
Deciding not to kiss that boy you’ve been dancing with because you’re not sure your parents would approve is forbidden. You’re not marrying him! In fact you’ll probably never even see him again!
Rule 8:
Be up to date on your social networking! Asking what Tumblr is and what acronyms such as IKR (I know right) mean does nothing for your street cred. And while you’re at it, don’t mention Bebo or MySpace, you are just showing your age.
So there you have it! Follow these simple rules and it will have the same effect as Olay has on your skin! We’ve not got grey hairs or wrinkles just yet and I’m determined to make the most of my final year at University, so in the ever inspiring (and cheesy) lyrics of One Direction, let’s “live while we’re young”.