Well, you will of course be pleased to know that we are back! We hope you’ve all had a great Christmas break and have had a much needed rest from uni! Although our inboxes tell us some of you haven’t had the best Christmas, but we’re here once again and ready to help you with all your love problems. We have a backlog of problems to help with but please keep sending in your emails to Her Campus Leeds and we will do our best to give you our advice as quick as we can, while of course keeping it completely anonymous!
Lately, my girlfriend of two months has been very distant and our relationship keeps quickly changing from hot to cold. I’m struggling to keep up with her and her frequently changing feelings towards me. We were really great over Christmas, but as soon as that was over, she suddenly stopped making any effort. I just don’t know what to do.
For starters, you need to talk to her just like you’ve talked to us. You will get nowhere in a relationship if you can’t both be open and honest and talk about everything you’re both feeling. That also means she must do the same, and by the sound of it she isn’t. Perhaps something is bothering her, or she is going through a hard time right now, or she’s even just suffering from the post-Christmas blues, but whatever it is she should feel she is able to confide in you rather than keeping her feelings to herself and leaving you unsure of where you stand. You’ve only being going out for two months, which realistically isn’t long enough for you to know everything about each other just yet; but the only way forward is to tell her how you feel and hope that she opens up to you. For all you know, there may be nothing bothering her and she may not have even realised she has been giving off such signals. This might just have to be a learning curve in the way she may unconsciously behave from time to time. Either way, nothing can be solved unless you talk to her.
My boyfriend and I have had our fair share of ups and downs, just like every relationship. But currently, we are better than ever. However, the silly thing spoiling it is that recently our friends seem to enjoy getting involved in our relationship and the ‘problems’ we have. I don’t know if they think they are being helpful, but it’s just unnecessary since we really are great together at the moment. Sure we may still have the odd argument, but they just seem to assume they know what’s going on when they’re really not getting the full story and just make things seem way worse than they are. I ignored it at first, but now it’s really starting to bother me as I feel their ‘helpful advice’ is directed more towards me as if I’m the problem, which is ridiculous since there really aren’t any problems between us at all.
We can see how this must be annoying, but the only thing you can really do is to try harder to just ignore it. At the end of the day, a relationship is only between the two partners in it, and you say yours is better than ever, and if your boyfriend feels the same, then that should be all that matters. It must be hard to feel like you’re getting the blame for a problem that doesn’t exist, but if you dwell on this too much then this will become the problem! Your relationship really is nobody else’s business, and you should not feel like you have to defend yourself – so don’t! Hopefully if you just persevere with ignoring them and carry on in your relationship just the way you are, then your friends will soon realise for themselves that you and your boyfriend really are great together. Just try not to be too annoyed at your friends, since like you suggest, they are most likely just trying to be helpful, which is only because they care.
My flatmates and I decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve together in Leeds. It was a great night and we were all very merry. However, halfway through the night, two of my flatmates took me aside and asked me if I wanted a threesome. I was shocked and rather speechless and just quickly left to rejoin the party. It wasn’t mentioned the next day and we all went back to our hometowns. Now I’m nervous about us all coming back to Leeds this week and I can’t help but feel really awkward. How do I get past this?
You said yourself you were all ‘merry’, so it may have just been the drink talking, and they might not have even remembered what they had suggested the following morning. If this is the case, then there’s really no need to feel awkward or nervous. Further still, if they did remember, from your reaction of quickly walking away, they will have realised you’re clearly not interested and what would be the point of them bringing it up again the following day? We are in the 21st century, so don’t be naïve to the fact that plenty of people experiment nowadays and are very open and forward about it. If that isn’t you then fine but there’s really no need to dwell on the situation, simply move on.
…A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others – be a carrier…
Image sources:
1. Writers’ own