Agony Aunt here, and welcome to my brand-new column!
For my first week, I turned to you—asking for your biggest questions and dilemmas about love and romance on the @hercampusatleeds Instagram story. You asked, and now I’m answering! Here’s my take on your most pressing dating dramas and questions.
1. “Dear Agony Aunt I’m scared of commitment but want to be in a relationship??? Help”
Dear Commitment-Phobe,
Trust me, this a relatable struggle, you are not alone… just lonely! In fact, a 2023 study by YouGov found that 40% of young adults admit to being afraid of some level of commitment in relationships. So, let’s take a breath! You’re not broken, just human.
The tricky reality of relationships is that they require awareness and effort. If you want to be in one, it’s worth exploring what’s making commitment feel so terrifying. Fear of choosing wrong? Past trauma? Social pressure? A deep-rooted need for independence? Whatever it is, understanding why you feel this way is the first step to working through it. Books, talk to friends, therapy or even TED Talks—whatever helps you make sense of your own patterns, lean into it.
But here’s the truth: commitment isn’t a life sentence. Saying yes to seeing where something goes isn’t the same as signing a marriage certificate. You can always back out. Honestly, most relationships don’t last forever—but that doesn’t mean they weren’t worth having. To loved and have lost is better than to have had never loved at all. If you’re constantly turning down good people before even giving them a chance, you might be self-sabotaging. Your fear of getting hurt could be hurting you in a different way—by keeping you alone. However, don’t be mad at yourself for this, your fear likely comes from a place of trying to protect you from the unknown.
At the end of the day, your fear is holding you back, not protecting you. Change your perspective: you’re not committing to a person for eternity, you’re committing to seeing where something goes. And if it turns out it’s not right? That’s okay. But you’ll never know unless you actually give it a shot.
So, what now? Meet people. Go on dates. Give them a real chance. Let things unfold naturally instead of running before they even begin. And if it helps, remember this: even if things do go embarrassingly wrong, at least you’re not Casey or Scott from Love Island, trying for round three.
Alexa, play “Lonely” by Akon.
With love (but no pressure),your Agony Aunt xoxo
2. Can Men and Women Ever Just Be Friends?
Short answer: Yes, they should be able to. Longer answer? It’s complicated.
We should encourage healthy platonic friendships between men and women. A man with close female friends? That’s a good sign—it shows he respects women as people, not just as potential romantic partners. A man who can only be kind to women when there’s a chance of sex? Run. Fast.
The real problem is that society has conditioned men to see women as sex objects, leading to the dreaded “But you were nice to me, I thought that meant you liked me. I was nice to you, so now you owe me” mentality. And we’ve all seen the type—the guy who hangs around, pretending to be a friend, only to flip when rejected. That’s not friendship. That’s manipulation.
When a heterosexual single man and woman become really close, it is most likely that one of them will catch feelings. I fear it may be inevitable, but that doesn’t mean anything will happen. As it really depends if one of them has the courage to act on it, therefore means it is down to the what the individuals decides to do.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room—when someone in a relationship suddenly forms a suspiciously close bond with the opposite sex. You know the one: “Oh, don’t worry about them.” Right. Because that always ends well. Here’s the truth—a cheater is always going to cheat. Whether it’s with their “girl best friend” or on a lads’ trip to Ibiza, the issue isn’t a matter of who, but when, as that is just who they are.
So, can men and women be just friends? Of course. But whether they actually are is another question entirely.
3. Dear Agony Aunt, any tips on how to get into dating after a breakup, I hate hinge but I’m bored”
Dear Bored & Newly Single,
Firstly, breakups suck—so I hope you’re holding up okay. But before you fling yourself back into the dating scene, let’s get one thing straight: are you ready to date, or are you just looking for entertainment? Because your time is precious, and—let’s be real—most people out there aren’t even worth a first date, let alone your emotional energy.
Now… about that “I’m bored.” GET A JOB! Or a hobby. Or literally anything that doesn’t involve scrolling through blurry group photos of men in races-day suits at 2 AM. Dating out of boredom is just emotional doom-scrolling—you think it’s a good distraction, but really, it’s a waste of time that you’ll inevitably regret. And then? You must face the consequences of your actions. Consider yourself warned.
But if you genuinely want to start dating again—without suffering through Hinge—here are your options:
1. Get your friends to set you up – They (hopefully) have good taste and won’t throw you into the dating trenches with a walking red flag.
2. Go to actual social events and talk to people – Socials, events, coffee shops, bars… You do know there are people outside, right? Find them! If you like someone? Speak to them. Groundbreaking, I know.
3. Shoot your shot in the DMs – You could keep staring at their stories, hoping they get the hint… or you could just friendly message them. Get a vibe and see what happens.
And just to set expectations—yes, technically, you could meet the love of your life in a club. But be honest. How many people do you know who have? Exactly. Move on.
So, if you’re serious about dating again, step outside, make eye contact with a real human, and see what happens. But if this is just about curing boredom? Maybe do something more productive with your valuable time.
With love (and better distractions), your Agony Aunt xoxo
4. Are Dating Apps Ruining Our Ability to Find Love?
Sam from Sheffield wants to “find himself” travelling.
Laura from Leeds loves to keep things casual.
And Ben from Bradford is from well… Bradford.
Alexa, play “Slim Pickings” by Sabrina Carpenter
Dating apps like Hinge and Tinder promise romance at the swipe of a finger, but let’s be honest—how’s that working out for most people? If I told you there was a 10% survival rate for a surgery, would you still go through with it? Probably not. And while Hinge isn’t quite as serious as surgery, it’s definitely as deadly.
The numbers don’t lie. Around 10% of heterosexual couples and 24% of LGBT couples have met their long-term partner online, according to Pew Research. But here’s the kicker—young people are starting to ditch dating apps, seeing a 16% decline, according to Ofcom (November 2024). Maybe the endless swiping, ghosting, and “Sam from Sheffield who wants to go on an endless adventure” just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Let’s face it, if you’re expecting true love from dating apps, you’re a FOOL! You cannot win a game that’s rigged. It’s like the lottery, you won’t win.
Why do I think this? I’m glad you asked! Dating apps are built to keep you on them, not help you find love. They thrive on capitalism, addiction, and the illusion of infinite choice. Why commit when there’s always someone new one swipe away? When everything feels replaceable, real love that takes time, effort, and the foundation of friendship—loses its value, especially when we prioritise superficial elements, such as someone’s looks, rather than their character (which dating apps can’t measure).
Maybe it’s time to rethink the way we approach love. There’s an obsession with romantic relationships, but what about the things that actually last—self-love, deep friendships, real human connection? Instead of chasing something that should come naturally, maybe the best thing we can do is step off the apps, out of the endless cycle, and into the real world.
And let’s be real—Ben from Bradford was never going to text back anyway.
5. What’s the Best First Date?
Forget the awkward dinner where you sit across from each other, running through the same boring small talk (“So, what do you do?” Yawn). The key to a great first date? An activity—something that gives you a chance to bond, break the physical touch barrier naturally, and have fun.
The Game Plan
1. Do an activity first – Think mini golf, an arcade, bowling, axe throwing—something interactive that keeps the conversation flowing. Bonus points if it sparks a bit of friendly competition.
2. Follow up with food or drinks – Once you’ve built some chemistry, sit down for a more relaxed chat. This is where the good conversation comes in.
3. Ditch the small talk – Instead of “What do you do?” ask something fun like:
• If you could lock any three people in an escape room together, who would it be and why?
• What’s a conspiracy theory you kind of, maybe, a little bit believe in?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would your dream life look like?
Best First Date Spots in Leeds
• Roxy Ballroom – Mini golf, bowling, beer pong—instant fun.
• Junkyard Golf – Quirky, neon, and competitive.
• Flight Club – Fancy darts but make it aesthetic.
• Escape Hunt – An escape room is the perfect test of teamwork.
• Belgrave Music Hall – Cool rooftop, great vibe, good food.
• Cuckoo – Funky bar with pizza and weird cocktails (one literally comes in a popcorn bucket).
First dates should feel like an experience, not an interview. Keep it fun, keep it light, and who knows? Maybe you’ll end up asking me what’s the best thing place to go on a second date. You’ve got this! And you’re welcome! :)
Thank you to everyone who submitted responses! Hope this article helps! Love from, your Agony Aunt xoxo
Final Notes: Want to be featured in my next article? Every week, I post a new topic on the @hercampusatleeds Instagram story—drop your questions and dilemmas, and you might just see them answered next week! Don’t worry, all submissions are completely anonymous.