Why is it that as young college women we are considered “sluts” if we are overheard discussing our exciting sex lives? Yet, if a guy is overheard discussing the same topic he is high-fived and praised for being a player? For centuries there has been a stigma on the female orgasm that has portrayed sex as being all about pleasing the man. In the West, there has been more emphasis on the importance of the female orgasm, but we are still told it is unpleasant to talk about our pleasure in public. Interestingly, in different cultures there is different importance placed on the female orgasms.
According to Gender Studies Professor Helen Boyd Kramer, “The West was unduly influenced by Freud, who (incorrectly) theorized that only vaginal orgasms “counted” as “mature” orgasms.” This made men believe that they only had to stimulate the vagina, and forget about the clitoris, which, as we can all attest to, is essential for orgasms. And, as Professor Kramer puts it, the clitoris is the “only part of any body that has no function other than pleasure.” If men were following what Freud told them to do, the women they were sleeping with had almost no chance of orgasm.
Historically, in many cultures including our own, sex was about reproducing, which meant only the man needing to orgasm. Professor Kramer does say, however, that it was considered important in the West for women to have orgasms if they wanted to get pregnant, but it was only recommended for reproduction and only within the context of marriage. Even into the 1970s, the female orgasm was considered to be crucial in a marriage, but women who were not married were discouraged to enjoy sex in that way. Non-married women are left with the view that if they have orgasms during sex, they are tramps.
In Arabic and African countries, the idea of sex being only for reproduction is dominant, but the idea of women enjoying sex is frowned upon in any context. Women in these societies are supposed to be pure and innocent and inferior to men. Men having orgasms shows their superiority over women and allows for reproduction. In these areas, it is common for girls to have a clitoridectomy, which takes away their main ability to enjoy sex. Women are only supposed to have sex in marriage. If non-married women have sex and are at all vocal about it, they would be shunned.
On the opposite spectrum, places like the South Pacific encourage women to have sex and are supposedly taught to have orgasms. The more sexual partners women have, the more they are admired in their society. According to Professor Kramer, the South Pacific also has a tradition of honoring all types of women’s bodies. This society not only honors the differences in women’s bodies, but also honors orgasmic women who know how to share and enjoy their bodies. Not only are women told to enjoy sex and honor their bodies, but the men in this society are taught how to give their partners orgasms before they themselves orgasm. This shows how women are just as, if not more important, in the sexual experience than men in this society.
I am not saying that any one culture has it right about the female orgasm, but it seems that it should be just as important to please the woman as it is to please the man. It would be nice if we could discuss our sexual pleasures with our girlfriends without facing scrutiny like the women of “Sex and the City.” We are equal partners in sex, and we should be able to enjoy sex and talk about it without having the fear of being judged.
Sources:
http://www.queendom.com/articles/articles.htm?a=18
http://www.sheknows.com/food-and-recipes/articles/805348/cooking-with-fresh-figs
http://eatdrinkhoboken.com/2011/10/carriebradshawbrunch/
Professor Helen Boyd Kramer