The illusive strap-on: not many people have them, though so many lesbian, bisexual, queer and transgender folks want to try them. No one wants to jump into that financial commitment without knowing what to get, what you’ll like and where to get it. So here is all you need to know. I am by no means an all-around expert on the subject, though I feel I can provide some resources and advice.
When in doubt, go check it out
The stag shop workers here in Brantford are very well-versed on the topic and are happy to provide non-judgemental and helpful advice. My personal recommendation to someone who is diving in head first would be to start small before going big. Dildos are cheaper than you think, so if you start small and want to move up, it won’t break the bank.
Although the store is helpful as an information source, it does not mean that’s where you have to buy it. Once you have the info you need, you can search the world wide web for deals but also different shapes and sizes the shop you go to may not carry. Your options are endless: ones that vibrate, glass ones, silicone, small, big, wide; it can be a bit overwhelming at first. I would suggest silicone for beginners since its softer than, say, a glass dildo, but sew your oats — try them all.
Remember to purchase the appropriate cleaners you’ll need that come along with them. When going down the silicone route you can buy cleaners in store and a kind of talcum powder to prevent the silicone from getting tacky over time; this is also available in store or online. Things the sex shop employees will be able to help you with are things like knowing what kind of lubricant to use with the different materials (water-based for silicone etc.), cleaning needs and any other questions you may have. After all they are the experts.
Harness
Harnesses come in many different forms and it can be tricky learning what is right for you. There are a few different materials they come in; leather, nylon, cotton underwear. There is no wrong answer with this decision, it’s all about what feels more comfortable. Most harnesses have O-rings that accommodate all kinds of dildo sizes, but again, if you want to be sure, just ask your sex shop worker. If you plan on embarking on this journey with your significant other, it may be a good idea to take them with you to choose your dildo of choice. They know their body best and can communicate what they think they can or cannot handle.
Your first time
Just like any other first time, it’s best to start out nice and easy before you open up your Kamasutra book. Try it out, see if it’s the right length, and width for you before you go crazy. I can’t stress this one enough: lube is your friend. Get well acquainted with it. Furthermore, make sure you’re doing it with someone you can properly communicate with. Asking to slow down or stop is not a bad thing and, if needed, will make the whole experience more enjoyable.
For givers, you’ve just “grown” this new appendage, which can be exciting intimidating, uncomfortable, funny or all of the above! One of the main struggles givers often have is learning how to move your hips or how to “thrust”. I know this sounds dorky, but practice. Trust me, your partner will appreciate it. It can be on a pillow, on your bed, it doesn’t matter. This will also help you to become at ease with it come time to perform. I know it’s exciting and you just want to try a whole bunch of new things but pace yourselves and think of the receiver first. Think about whether it’s their first time or about lube. You want it to be fun for the both of you.
For receivers, put yourself in a position where you can control everything if you’re uncomfortable or nervous (ex. being on-top). This will ensure your pleasure until you’re comfortable and always make sure you speak up if something doesn’t feel right. Lastly, sex is not like in the movies, so be patient and laugh it off if something happens, don’t be in a rush and make sure you are always communicating and well informed before you try it out. Have fun and be safe.
-R. Jones