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*Spoilers Alert: Read at your own risk! Tons of spoilers for The Office incoming!*
If your highschool days were filled watching and re-watching The Office and you know what’s going to happen in every episode, hey girlfriend! Like me, I’m sure your entire world fell apart when Michael left to go live in Colorado; You cried when Jim and Pam finally got married; And you lived for the Angela drama! I hope that you also felt a burning hatred in the bottom of your belly for “Erin”. Here are just a few reasons why I think she is the worst and does not deserve a place in The Office.
- HER NAME ISN’T EVEN ERIN
I guess it’s okay to like her, if you like people who lie about their entire identity, which is psychotic. In Season 5 Episode 20 the new boss, Charles Miner, calls over the new receptionist who is filling in for Pam while on maternity leave. He says “Kelly” and both Kelly Hannon and Kelly Kapoor stroll into his office. To stop this confusion from happening again, they decide that Kelly Hannon will from here on out go by her middle name “Erin”. THIS IS NEVER ADDRESSED AGAIN. Throughout the entire rest of the show everybody, including herself, simply ignores that her name IS NOT Erin! Even her foster brother at home, who we meet for the one and only time in Season 6 Episode 19, calls her Erin, and in part one of the final episode we see Erin’s long lost biological parents call her Erin, and not the name they gave her at birth. SHE IS LIVING AN ENTIRE LIE CREATED BY CHARLES MINER (there’s another reason for Michael to hate him!!).
- SHE DATES THE WORST PEOPLE
Although she is psychotic, “Erin” is adorable looking…I do not hate her because of her looks, that is just vapid and awful. But d*mn does this girl date some terrible, weird, and unattractive men. Let’s start with Andy. Not only is he ten years her senior, he is just an awful person to date. He still has mommy and daddy issues in his 40s, his entire personality is a capella, and not to mention he is just plain annoying. For her to be attracted to, and date, such a man just shows how crazy she is. Not much better than Andy, Gabe is Erin’s second love interest of the show. Although he is younger, and tall, one cannot get over the lanky stick bug of a boy that Gabe is. He is weak, not only in strength but in will, he has a very intense and creepy obsession with all things Japanese, and nobody in the office actually likes him, but guess what, Erin was all for that. Last but not least is Pete. Those of you who are thinking, “Who the f*ck is Pete?”, thank you, you are proving my point exactly. Erin is so terrible, they couldn’t even try putting her with somebody exciting, or nobody at all. So they put her with Pete, one of the new interns, along with Clark, hired by Dunder Mifflin in Season 9. You might also know him as “New Jim” or my favorite, “plop”. Of course Erin is going to be with someone so minute and so useless a character they tried to insert him in at the end of The Office. She should have ended up alone. THE EPISODES OF THE LAST FEW SEASONS WERE WAY TOO CENTERED ON ERIN AND ANDY AND ERIN AND GABE AND THEN ANDY REACTING TO ERIN AND PETE.
- SHE IS SO DUMB THAT I LOSE BRAIN CELLS WHEN SHE SPEAKS
I am actually worried about her well-being…at least I would be if I didn’t hate her as a character. Here are just a few of the stupidest things I have ever heard come out of her mouth throughout the show:
- “Oh thanks. I’ve been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It’s only going to keep getting better.”
- “It’s a thinking technique, all the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, a spinning brain is a working brain.”
- “Every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican!”
- “I’m sure I was just another Porky’s baby, but why not find out?”
- “I wish Jessica was dead. I wish she was in a graveyard. Under the ground. With worms coming out of her mouth.”
- “I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep.”
- “Oh. I boiled some Gatorade.”
- “I would like another drink.”
- “Planking is one of those things where, hey, you either get it or you don’t. And I don’t.”
- “Disposable cameras are fun although it does seem wasteful and you never get to see your pictures.”
- “My last job was at Taco Bell Express. But then it became a full Taco Bell, and I don’t know, I couldn’t keep up.”
- “Did you have a favorite age? Or month?”
- “In the foster home, my hair was my room.”
- “God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It’s easy.”
- “Oh. Take it up with the chief of police.”
- “Oh, ‘Is Andy in?’ Sorry, I thought you said ‘Is Indian’ and was like ‘Is Indian what? Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.'”