This Just in: Birds AREN’T Real

Hello all 99.5% of America that still believes in birds, this article is for you. Apparently, you have got this whole bird thing wrong. BIRDS. AREN’T. REAL!

Birds are just government cameras, Richard Nixon has even explained this.

There is now a movement that is occurring about this issue. Many states and college campuses are part of it. The website, www.birdsarentreal.com, is your new hook-up for information about this issue, as well as a place to get some cool merch.

Now, let’s delve deeper into what this website is and says…

When you get to the home page, the first thing you see is a link for a printable flyer, to spread the news around your campus about the lies we’ve been told about birds.

Underneath that is all of their merch. There is shirts, stickers, and sweatshirts. Then, there is a long quote from Richard Nixon, explaining that birds were created to be government spies so that the government could watch America without citizens realizing it.

They also have a call to action blurb and a place to join their mailing list so you can get more info about how birds aren’t real.

 

The next section is called: The History

We can already tell this is going to be a crazy section due to the headline:

 

This section divides the history of birds not being real into CHAPTERS.

 

THERE IS SO MUCH INFO THAT THERE ARE CHAPTERS WRITTEN ABOUT THIS THEORY!

 

AND IT ENDS WITH: TO BE CONTINUED…..

WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO CONTINUE? YOU ALREADY WROTE MULTIPLE CHAPTERS?!

The next section is titled: Who Are We? Meet the Bird Brigade

This section lists all of the places in America who have this theory and links to their websites.

And with this quote, you know how serious they are about this topic:

“All across this wretched country there are leaders, those that have chosen to lead. To impart the knowledge of this travesty to every man, woman, and child. They will not rest, and can't (even if they wanted to) as there are drones on top of their house making loud noises. This bird nightmare makes the Illuminati and JFK conspiracies look like a toddler playing in the Burger King Play Place.”

There are about 40 different places who don’t believe in birds, 2 aren’t even in the United States!

The last page is just Activism Gear, which is the merch that was on the main page.

Go check out www.birdsarentreal.com and decide for yourself if you think birds are real or not!

 

 

*All gifs from giphy.com