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Phoenix Nights Goes Live!

Any lovers of comedy have definitely been celebrating ever since Peter Kay announced the return of Phoenix Nights, only this time, it would take the form of a live show in aid of Comic Relief. Tickets went on sale on Sunday morning and with only two dates in Manchester, there was a frantic surge of fans fighting there way through the obstacles that are 'captcha' words - you know, those hieroglyphics they make you copy to make sure you're not a computer. Anyways, I digress, whether you're a lover of Phoenix Nights or have never watched an episode in your life, you're sure to love the top 10 funniest moments I have to show you. Sit tight, I might just have you in stitches. 


1."Come and get your black bin bags!" 

When Jerry needs to get himself a new job because the club's burnt down, he finds himself selling bin bags in Asda. He's so enthusiastic that he makes up a song and now we all know "they're on offer 'til December!" 

It's quiz night at the Phoenix club and even the bouncers, Max and Paddy, are having a go at answering the questions. When they're told by Ray Von, "I want the name of the tune, not the artist" and the song playing is Take My Breath Away, Max hums the tune and then comes out with, "walking on the moon!". So close... 

A Phoenix Family Fun day obviously means Brian's scrimping on any cost, and when their bouncy castle comes from Amsterdam, it's less family fun and more of a "20ft cock and balls". Some quick thinking turns this "love-length" into "sammy the snake" and some snakes eggs, because "kiddies love reptiles". 

Ray Von fits Max's light blue Volvo with a personalised car alarm, where he records all sorts of threatening phrases to deter the "invaders". The funniest one features, "get back you bastards, I'll break your legs!" when Paddy kicks the car door. 

Another iconic scene on Brian's chair lifthe's home alone when a power cut in his house leaves him stranded on his chair lift all night, until Jerry breaks in the following morning to help him. 

Excitement and anticipation is in the air at the Phoenix because they've booked the well known psychic, Clinton Baptiste. Little do they know that he isn't actually all he's cracked up to be, and their night of entertainment goes from bad to worse when he upsets the regulars with his ill-founded notions from spirits on the other side. But that's not it, he then gets attacked by the unhappy punters and has to make a quick getaway. This is the Phoenix Club after all. 

The club hires this band for the reopening of the Phoenix Club, knowing that there will be plenty of punters and journalists ready to see the success. Brian is seen speaking to a reporter about how the club "caters for the family" but, to his misery, he is told the band's music has racist undertones. Take this song title, for example, "Send The Buggers Back"…  



8.Stars in Your Eyes 


Another event hosted by Jerry sees the regulars dressing up as famous artists. There's Gary Glitter asking people to be in his gang, Eminem asking people to stand up, and two hilarious dance routines by Lulu and Adam and the Ants. It's fair to say they don't get much of an enthused reaction by the regulars. 



9.Keith Lard, the fire safety officer. 

Brian and Jerry are at Den Perry's Banana Grove, when Keith Lard ("you know Keith Lard, he got done for interfering with dogs") comes on stage and talks about fire safety in the workplace. He's taunted by hecklers who interrupt his talk with "rabies" and other dog-related terms. He lands himself in it though when he draws a plan of a club and turns it into a dog. 

Max and Paddy are on the doors of the Phoenix again, deciding who and who isn't getting in. What they don't realise is the minibus that is about to turn up is full of miniature football hooligans. Max tells them to "get back on the bus, 'cause you're not coming in!" but they barge their way through and beat him up too. 



I'm Lauren Collier. I'm nineteen years old and I'm a second year English Language in the Media undergraduate. I'm a social media enthusiast, blogger and obsessed with living a healthy lifestyle!Email: lauren-collier@hotmail.co.ukInstagram: www.instagram.com/laurenlcollierTwitter: www.twitter.com/laurenlcollier
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