At the age of 18, it was customary in my family to get your first tattoo. With the word “permanent” starring me in the face, I was scared and nervous that I would be making a mistake. I contemplated in my head if I should even get one. I wondered if I did, if it was the right one. It took me a while to realize that as long as the tattoo was meaningful to me, I wouldn’t be making a mistake. If I was going to have this mark on me for the rest of my life and if I was going to get it, I should be able to not only know what it means but be able to share the meaning with others about each tattoo. After all, people were going to ask about them anyways.
When the day of my appointment came, I sat and received my first two tattoos.
The year after, I got two more tattoos being as meaningful to me as the others. And today, I am sharing the story behind my tattoos to the public.
1. The Cross
Growing up, I was raised as a Catholic. In my senior year of high school, I began to lose myself and made mistakes that I wish I could take back but coudln’t. So when I graduated, I promised myself to put away the behavior and I looked to God for help. Sure enough he did. This cross, located on my ankle, symbolizes my promise to Him and myself that every step I take in my life will be to be a step with God. He was my first tattoo.
2. Mom’s Promise
My parents told me they were officially separating when I was in 8th grade. In my high school years, I moved out of my childhood home and shared a room with my mother at Tia’s house. We would drive 30 minutes every day to where our lives consisted of and when my mother dropped me off at school we would make little promises to each other. Some were like “I promise that after work we will go out for ice cream” other were more like “I promise it will get easier”. With each promise she made I would look back into my mother’s eyes, raise my finger, and ask “pinky promise?” We did this almost every day and it became the highest level of promises between us as tried to move on with our lives. So as my second tattoo, in my mother’s handwriting is the word “promise”.
3. The Sun and the Moon
Life after high school was difficult; I was separated from my friends, I had to get a job, and I had to start paying bills for the first time in my life. Everything felt so abrupt and I couldn’t handle it very well. I felt like my friends were slowly leaving me and that I was drowning in my own life. I couldn’t go a day without crying and my life became meaningless to myself. Eventually everything around me became dark. I knew that what I was feeling was wrong and I didn’t want to be like this anymore. I tried to ask for help but all I got in return were comments of how I’m over reacting, it’s just a phase, or I just need to stop acting like this. So one day after a terrible episode, I begged my mom to make an appointment with my doctor. It was then that I discovered that I had anxiety depression. With that discovery, I finally managed to get the help I needed. Today, I proudly display this tattoo, on my arm, as a symbol of my continuous struggle with the light and darkness inside me and how important it is to just take it one day at a time and live my life the best way I can.
4. Janea’s Turtle
If you ask me how many siblings I have I will say four, yet when I talk about them you will only hear about three. I am the youngest of 5 children. In order, there is Jonathan, Jalissa, Jordan, Janea, and me, Janelle. A year before I was born, my mom was pregnant with Janea and in her final trimester she knew something was wrong. We found out that my mother had miscarried. I cannot even imagine being forced to give birth to a baby that had already passed. Some say that she didn’t even live therefore she wasn’t real. She had a heartbeat, a brain, and she was just beginning to breath, to me she was just as alive as any other person. Since I was young and still to this day, I imagine what she would be like and if she would do things differently than me. So in hopes of making my sister proud and remembered I display a turtle on my foot and a flower on its shell with little hearts around it. The reason behind the turtle is because my mother has a tattoo of all her children, her being the turtle and, my siblings and I, as four little turtles following behind her and a flower at the end for Janea. With this as the inspiration I took the flower and made it part of the turtles shell. The flower itself is a “forget me not” flower which contains the meaning of a remembrance during parting or after death, true and undying love, and a connection that lasts through time. I have never met my sister in life but I will have her remembered in death.
To end, no matter what kind of tattoo you get on your body, it doesn’t matter what people think, just as long as it means something to you. Happy Tatting!