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When I look in the mirror do you know what I see? I see a smart, well rounded, determined, creative, hardworking young women with some curves, big beautiful eyes, melanin skin, a big smile and an even bigger heart. This is what I see so why not me? Why not me is a question I find myself asking time and time again when someone left my life to either be with someone else, remain single, or just rejected me.  This was almost like a cycle for me that always ended the same, never chosen. Never being chosen really affected me to a point I didn’t think I would bounce back. I constantly wondered what was wrong with me to not have been given a chance or worth fighting for. Each day when I looked in the mirror I began to pick out my flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses. I believed that the me underneath was the reason someone turned away, simply I just wasn’t good enough to deserve them or their love. The thought of me not being good enough would resonate in my head and would ache my heart daily. I pulled myself down and began to think that I wouldn’t be good enough for anyone at any time in my life. At this point I would look in the mirror and see the the worst version of myself. A person who wasn’t deserving or good enough to be with someone.

After yet another night of rejection by someone I truly thought cared about me (he who shall not be named) I began to sink into a state of despair. But what stopped me from doing was that one of my friends had passed on to me an idea that suddenly rang in my head like a siren. The problem wasn’t that I was not good enough nor was I always the problem. I was simply the right girl at the wrong time. The reason that some guys never see themselves with me is that they could not see themselves worthy enough for me. When you are raised like a queen you expect to be treated like one and I am without question or exception a queen. The issue remains then why couldn’t these men see themselves with someone like me when I was so clearly interested? It’s because getting with women like me means all or nothing, I have no time to play games or chase after you. If you choose to be with me then you choose the long-term benefits. You choose the kingdom and not the village. To take on the responsibility of building a kingdom may not require a king yet but it requires the desire to be one. At this point in my life, the guys I’ve wish to remain in the village and not become the king I see them being. Ultimately, this means for me, that I simply must keep looking and fighting for the man that can show me what it means to build a dynasty to come.

But, enough was enough and I was digging a deeper and deeper hole that eventually I wouldn’t of came out from. I began to look at the situation and understand that there is no fault in someone who tried to care or love another person and try and offer their best. There is something wrong with someone who doesn’t want to receive that or not realize the good in having that from someone. Once I mastered not looking at myself in fault my reality shifted. The reality is I did nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with my looks, my mindset, or the way I choose to carry myself. I came to a point in my life when I realized that I couldn’t allow someone’s decision about me to impact me and change the way I looked at myself and change what I believed I deserved. I realized anyone who doesn’t see your worth and value is not someone who is meant for you to be with. In the end that person who left your life did you a favor because they wouldn’t of been able to appreciate and cherish you the right way. So never lose sight of your worth and value because someone walked away.

Someday someone will appreciate everything about you inside and out and will fall in love with every part of you. Remember, when someone rejects you or leaves you…let them, get a hold of your life remember who you are and figure out the next step, because now there is room for the right person to enter your life.

Debra Barksdale

La Salle '19

La Salle'19 Political Science & History Major Pre-Law Growing & Glowing
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