Forgiveness is for Yourself

The concept of forgiveness is skewed.

Some grow up learning, “forgive and forget”, others grow up not learning how to forgive at all. It's situational to others. Personally, I think the idea of ‘forgiving and forgetting’ is bullshit. Let me tell you why. 

I have a saying that I love to use and it has honestly helped me on my journey with forgiveness. This goes for platonic or romantic relationships. 

 

“People did what they did at the expense of your feelings.”

Now, let me explain what that means. Whether it be a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend, the person did the act that they did possibly knowing that they could hurt you, but they did not care enough about your feelings to adjust their actions. 

After I realized that, I started looking at things completely different. Yes, I can forgive what they did but, no I can’t forget it. That doesn't mean that the person can no longer be in your life, but sometimes it does. Sometimes, it’s an endless cycle of forgiving and keeping that person around. So, when do you finally realize enough is enough? When do you recognize that you can forgive that person but it is in your best interest that you two need to go your separate ways? 

I finally came to the point in my life where I had to stop enduring the same hurt from the same people and forgiving them. I had to realize that the forgiveness was for myself. It wasn’t for them; it was for me, so that I could have a peace of mind. It’s a lot easier to live with forgiveness in your heart than hate. 

At the end of the day, it is not that I don’t care about other people’s feelings. It is just hard to care about them when they do not care about mine.