Growing up, I was never one to keep a journal or diary. I attempted to do so a few times, but each one ended up only having a total of three entries over a span of seven months. I could never keep up with it. I would forget about it, or I thought what was going on in my life wasn’t important enough to keep a record of. Looking back, though, I wish I would have stuck with it. I would love to have the thoughts of my nine-year-old self again and to know what the date was when my first boyfriend in middle asked me out.
So, I decided I would try again. I wasn’t sure if a few years would actually change my ability to commit to the journal, but I was willing to give it a try. So, I bought a bullet journal. I read so many posts about how amazing the journal is and how everyone loves it. It seemed like the best option for me. It was original, fun, and versatile.
But I still could not keep up with it! I let the journal sit on my desk for weeks. I even bought fancy pens so I could create all the spreads the blogs were talking about. I kept telling myself I would get to it—just one more episode instead. Until, finally, I opened the journal, but I spent the entire time researching how to set it up and only completed one spread.
I think I lack the commitment to keep up with the journal. I get distracted easily, and if the matter isn’t pressing, I usually never get to it. On the flip side, I think journaling would help with my focus and commitment issues. The whole situation is just like the chicken and the egg. Which one comes first?
Besides my difficulties concentrating on the journal, I think I am so attached to my generic, store-bought planner that I am unable to create one of my own. One where I can keep my thoughts, reading and movie lists, and everything I need to get done.
I hope to one day complete the journal. I’m going to keep trying, at least five more times. Maybe I will find the commitment needed; I would love to be the kind of person who keeps a detailed record of every aspect of my life. I am organized in every other aspect except this.
Or, maybe, I will accept defeat and give it all up for good.