Before college, I lived in a limited world that caused me to grow up ignorant. I did not know any individuals who were gay, struggling with depression, had eating disorders, or were suicidal.
Suicide was a foreign word to me. I could never wrap my brain around how someone could reach such a dark place that caused him or her to believe ending his or her life was the only option.
It wasn’t until college when I met so many people from different backgrounds with stories that ranged from blissfulness to extreme hardships.
Who would have thought the girl down the hall, who soon became one of my closest friends, was struggling so severely on the inside. I know I didn’t.
It wasn’t until our sophomore year when we were living together she opened up to me about her past and present. Her past consisted of dark demons that have haunted her for a majority of her life and tend to creep up often – so much that her body has the scars to prove it.
Every single thought throughout every single day was followed with the urge to cut. It was a constant battle that she fought through tirelessly.
It’s been two years since we lived together that year. It’s been just about two years since she first tried to take her own life. It’s just about two years since she checked herself into a mental health hospital. She willingly entered that hospital a total of three times.
I will never forget when I heard from her girlfriend what happened that first time my friend tried to take her life. It was over summer break. I sobbed for days. I would go to the gym to try to run off the pain only to lose my breath and hyperventilate in the bathroom until my panic attack passed and it was safe to drive home. Looking back on it, the pain I experienced seems selfish because while I was struggling, my friend was struggling even more.
It has been a little over a year since my beautiful, amazing friend has self-harmed. A little over 365 days of freedom. A little over 365 of healing. A little over 365 days of relief.
Here are some words of encouragement from my very own friend:
“What kept me going is that it DOES get better. You WILL get past this. You have to struggle to have strides. You just have to believe in yourself and in all honesty I used my scars on my arms as motivation – and I used the haters. My tattoo, ‘She believe she could so she did,’ is what also really kept me going.”
If you are struggling, please seek help. Talk to a friend. Talk to your parents. Talk to a teacher you trust. Call professional help. Self-harm is not the answer. You are worth something. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are one of a kind.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is – 1-800-273-8255