On September 13th, Sam Smith came out about wanting to use they/them pronouns. I have been a fan of their music since the first time I heard “Stay With Me,” and this just makes me love them even more. They made a post on Twitter that they wanted to be referred to as they/them and no longer he/him, so they can live their true self. Their bravery has opened up an important conversation about respecting people’s pronouns—not only with celebrities, but in everyday life.
Not everyone uses the pronouns that match their sex assigned at birth, and more people are coming out as genderfluid, queergender, transgender, and nonbinary. Trying to be as progressive as we can, it’s important to understand that not everyone we encounter is cisgendered and heterosexual. What’s beautiful about our society is all of the differences we have and the opportunity that comes from that to learn and grow.
If you happen to misgender someone by accident, it’s okay. Apologize, correct your mistake, and from then on use the preferred pronouns of that person. If you notice someone else misgendering them, make sure to correct that person as well. It doesn’t have to be with a rude attitude or in a way that will embarrass anyone. An example from Rose Dommu, a transwoman, follows:
“Waiter: What are you having, boys?
Trans Woman: …
Cis Person: She’d like a Cobb salad, and I’ll have a cheeseburger.”
Or if you know the person well and are comfortable with them, you can say in a friendly way, “hey, they prefer they/them pronouns,” or whatever pronouns that person may use. If someone corrects you, take it as a learning experience and move on. There’s no need to start an argument or make it about yourself.
Misgendering can hurt someone; being called the appropriate name and pronoun is a significant aspect of a person’s identity, and we all need to respect that. If you’re unsure of a person’s pronouns, then ask them. Or you can do what I just did: use their name or they/them until you find out what they prefer.